An hour in the life of me

Seriously, you cannot believe all the drama I have had in the past hour at my house. Told the kids they had to clean the van out, many tears of protest ensued. TOO BAD! But in the midst of that Emily Vanessa left the side door to the house open and our siamese cat, aptly named Sassy, ventured outside. Wails of misery and accusation floated through the outside air as the kids tried unsuccessfully to get her back into the house. After the van was shoveled out, I sent Nataly and Rylee out with slop buckets to feed the pigs. They chose the most muddy of paths to take and both got stuck and one child even lost their sock...then they left my containers outside and I made them walk back out there barefoot to get them(you can call me a meanie, it won't hurt my feelings). Those two girls were covered in mud, and so was Ethan because he tried to help them out of the mud before I arrived on scene and showed them that the DRY ground was literally less than 10 feet away from them. WHY couldn't they walk that way?! So I sent three kids off to the tub after they stripped down outside. And I'm in my bathroom using my neti pot(I woke up a few days ago with some horrid sinus congestion) and Emily Vanessa comes in with the dog in her arms...apparently the dog got stuck in the mud too and had to be rescued. So I bathed the dog. Then I wandered outside to take this picture of the muddy boots and I see the cat on top of the chicken coop.


So I go and 'rescue' her and receive a scratch on the neck as thanks. I come back in the house and the freshly washed puppy dog has knocked the trashcan over! My patience is completely worn and I'm not even going to attempt to cook a meal lest the whole house burn to the ground. I will just put a movie on and confine myself to my bedroom to fold laundry. Keep in mind that this is just one little hour of my day. ILOVEMYFAMILYILOVEMYFAMILYILOVEMYFAMILYILOVEMYFAMILY...

She humbles me

Let me tell you a little bit about my daughter Nataly. Nataly is a very delicate soul. She can't stand any sort of movie that has suspense. Not even a disney movie that has a suspensful scene, I am not kidding. She cannot even stand to watch someone else play Mario Galaxy on the wii...she freaks out thinking that the player might not make the jump, or might be over powered by opponents.
Nataly also cannot handle guilt of any sort. Just yesterday as I was driving the kids home from school, she blurted out "I can't take it anymore!" And proceded to tell me about a rule she and the other kids had broken the week before when they had friends playing here at the house...the other kids tried really hard to shush her up, but Nataly said she had to get it off her chest. She has had a rough first part of second grade this year and has had detention twice in the prinicpals office :( the secretary told me that its almost not worth punishing her because by the time she makes the walk down to the office she has already thoroughly beat herself up, she would show up in tears, exclaiming that she had done something so bad and so wrong and she would curl up in the secretary's lap and cry her little heart out and sobbing 'please forgive me!'
Nataly is also very sensitive to the needs of others, especially others that have limitations. Her teacher this year sustained a very serious knee injury while coaching wrestling and had been in a wheel chair for the past month or so. He will be having surgery soon and this man has occupied her every though. She has even gone so far as to ask me if I could go be his nurse for awhile since he needs so much help. Her class also noticed right after thanksgiving that they did not hold the annual food drive at school, so they decided on their own to hold a food drive as a class and picked the place they would donate the food to.
I say all this so that maybe you will understand when I tell you what this special little girl asked Santa Claus for tonight as she climbed on his lap. It was quite unexpected, but I have learned that Nataly is a very unpredictable child.
She asked Santa for happiness in her heart and for forgiveness for what she had done wrong.

Spell this...

Tonight we had a school thing and we got home kinda late, so the whole homework, bath, and bed routine was a little rushed. Ethan absolutely hates doing his homework. Before he even glances at it he is whining about how hard it is and that he doesn't know it. Its an amazing chore to get this work done. Tonight I kept him up after the girls were on their beds for reading/quiet time and we got the 'easy' stuff done...then the dreaded spelling words. There were three that he struggled with, so I had him write them out three times and told him to be prepared to spell them the right way by the time I got done tucking the girls in...ok, I have to admit that I bribed him with a piece of chocolate for each correct word. It worked, he got them all right. And he even told me that I make learning easier for him and he loved me. I wonder if he would still love me without the chocolate?

Have I forgotten so quickly?

I think I have completely forgotten how to 'housewife' it...I'm bored here at home. My kids are all in school and even though this house has some big messes to clean up, there is nothing fun to do...what the heck did I used to do to fill my days up?? OH, yeah, I had all sorts of little diaper clad children is various states of movement(walking, crawling, scooting, climbing) that I ran after all day long...alas, that is no more...and I'm still bored!!

The Sunday-school clothes

I sincerely pray that I do not have to go kick some little kids butt today. You see, Ethan is all dudded up for school today. Ironed button front shirt, slacks, and even a tie. On Tuesday he and the little girls had their Christmas concert for school...so I had him wear his nicest Sunday clothes. I guess his teacher told him that he looked so handsome in them. He decided that since he looked so handsome in them that he would wear them today as well...I think my boy's got a crush on his teacher!

I made it!!

My semester(the first semester of nursing school) is officially over! There were many high points, and many low points. They all equaled themselves out and I just have to say that this semester was a smashing success! I finished what is termed to be the absolute hardest part of nursing school with straight A's.
Much credit has to be given to my family for this accomplishment as well. They have survived 16 weeks of having to search for clean laundry, wade through dirty dishes, tip toed around me as I slaved away on the computer and had my nose stuck in books. They quizzed me with notecards...and some incredibly off the wall questions. Cory has cooked countless meals and worked so hard to be working Dad and home Dad. I've relied on priesthood blessings and prayer. I've cried all over just about everyone I know. If I haven't cried on you then I'm sure I've at least whined or vented and you've heard about it. But through it all these guys stuck by me, they believe in me and they love me.
Now that I've got so much free time(har har)on my hands I have a list of pleasure reading books as long as my arm. I've got cleaning that I actually cannot wait to get to. I have a husband and children to snuggle and adore. I have so very much to be thankful for, I am incredibly blessed.

Cape worthy

Tonight I feel as though I am truly worthy of the title 'super mom'! Let me attempt to give you a visual. As soon as dinner was over the nightly homework and bath routine commenced. Well, Emily has a concert tomorrow night. I promised I would help her figure out something simple that we could do with her hair that she could finish by herself before the concert tomorrow. You see, I have an exam tomorrow morning followed by 4 hours of lab time. I will not get home by the time they need to leave for the concert. I will have to meet the rest of the family at the auditorium...in my scrubs no less. SOOOO the girl wanted special hair and despite being an amazing father, Cory just doesn't have a clue how to do special hair...unless it happens to be messy hair day at school. So I'm putting tiny braids in Emilys hair AND helping Ethan with his spelling words. I had to get a little creative in order to do both, plus Ethan really really REALLY hates doing homework. I wrote the letters individually on post it notes and put them all on the window. I called out a word while braiding in the bathroom and Ethan had to run and find all the correct letters and come to the bathroom and put them on the door in the correct order(He did a fantastic job and didn't whine once!) I should also mention that I had Nataly working on her homework as well at this point and had Rylee in the bathtub...all at the same time. Once spelling words were complete, Ethan had to do his robust vocabulary words which we did while I showered another kid and finished them up while he was in the shower.
I truly feel as though I was wearing my super mom cape tonight.
Hopefully I will still have energy to study for tomorrows exam by the time they get into bed.
Hopefully Cory can handle getting Emily ready for the concert tomorrow and make dinner and make sure all faces are washed before heading out the door.
Lord willing we will make it through the next week and then I'll have 6 full weeks off from school.

I'm only seeing the negative

These days my life(if you could even call it such) is absolutely iNsAnE! I only have a few weeks left of the semester(3 weeks and 2 days as of this post), so I realize the end is really in sight. I just cannot seem to drum up any positive emotions towards anything. I'm pulling amazing grades. In fact, as long as I keep myself where I'm at right now, I'll finish my first semester of nursing school with straight A's. But that just doesn't seem good enough. My saving grace is my small quizzes and homework assignments. They have helped boost my grade up to the A's that I have. I'm literally on the edge of the A range. My exam scores have started to slip and I know what I've got to do to bring them up....it just all seems so daunting and flat out exhausting. I can't even handle studying at home anymore...my cluttered house stares me down or screams at me until I give in and put the homework away and work on shoveling the said house out. Why do I have to be the kind of person who can only see all the laundry that needs to be done and not the kind who looks at the mountains and says "I'm so blessed to have all these clothes" ?? Why am I the kind of person who is so quick to say, "Look at everything you didn't do" instead of the kind that focuses on the positives of what you have accomplished?
I've decided that we really, truly, so very seriously, are nuts around here. Cory starts school on the 21st. So he will work full time(on an unrelenting schedule) AND he will be a full time online student. And this is in addition to all my schooling. About this I have decided that one of two things will come from this: #1-our children will resent us for the rest of our lives and will stray down less desired paths because they will feel neglected and think we don't love them. #2-this will be a lesson they will carry with them their whole lives, they will value education and be determined to go straight to college for a degree from high school. They will know that we did this to give them a solid financial base while pursuing our own joys and interests...I'm hoping for #2, but can see #1 become our reality and it terrifies me.
School is hard, our finances are a mess, not to mention that I'm my own personal mess. I have very little self confidence to draw from in the first place. Living in Woodruff requires lots of planning and extra time to get anywhere for the kids' activities(I put the kabosh on them adding any more activities, for my own sanity and the safety of all) so even just getting to and from class/clinical takes for. ev. ER! I just don't see how to ekk out a small bit of time for myself. I've let it all go. The walking,eating healthy, yoga, and oh, get this...my poor toenails have been naked for over 6 weeks! I'm not comfortable in my own skin right now. I've got to get back on track, but I don't see that happening for another 3 weeks and 2 days. But how can I survive the next 3 weeks and 2 days if I don't?

hanging tough....maybe

Remind me why I'm doing this again?? Seriously though, I know why I'm doing this...just need some encouragement to make it through the next 4 weeks. They aren't kidding when they say nursing school is tough. I'm tougher though!....I think.

Just so ya know

I'm still alive and plugging away at school. I have so much I would love to blog about...just don't have the time!

Fall Break

Ahhhh, the cooler weather, the changing leaves, the crisp smelling air. My kids are out of school for the week...fall break. Which normally I love, but I don't get a fall break. So basically it means lining up sitters for my class times/days and trying to study with all 4 hooligans running around. blech. Hopefully we will get a chance to do something kinda fun while they are off this week...I feel bad for wishing they didn't get a fall break, but its true this go-round.

Sunday singing.

So I tried something a little different in primary today for singing time. It was one of those true inspiration things, I woke up around 3am realizing that I had homework that I forgot to do...and its due tonight at midnight YIKES! And before I fell back asleep the inspiration struck...I should let the KIDS draw the visuals for this new song we are learning! So folks, thats just what I did. Its a song that only a few of the kids were slightly familiar with(namely my 4)so we just went with it, and those kids were so darn proud of their drawings and that they got to help. They picked up the words faster than I would have thought possible if I hadn't been there to see it with my own eyes.
I must also mention that I gave myself an attitude adjustment about being the primary chorister...I'm sure that was a big contributing factor to how well today went. You see, I love this calling.BUT, and its a BIG BUT, I do not like my accompanist. At all. We've butted heads over many many things. It doesn't help that she used to be my supervisor at a particular job that I had. We don't see things as like minds. We've talked so many times about how music should be in primary, and I'll tell ya honestly, her prelude playing has made a big difference in the reverence level of opening exercises...and not in a good way. I've had our music chairman go and talk to her, the primary presidency(separate and together) have gone and talked to her about it....it makes no difference. So basically I decided that I just need to be more tolerant, after all, she has talent that I can only wish to have. I don't play the piano well at all, and only the most basic songs come easily to me(think book of mormon stories). So I let it go.
I'm really going to be sad someday when I am asked to give up this calling. Although it will be a relief at the same time b/c it demands soooo much energy on Sundays. Its hard to be enthusiastic and sing for 2 hours. I'm still so proud of my primary children for learning the first part of this new song! YAY!

*Gulp*

My first clinical is tomorrow....remind me to BREATHE

The experience I almost didn't have

I do not currently have cable. My computer has been acting up big time, so I've been reduced to using the dinosaur laptop(s-l-o-w) and here it is conference weekend. Its been years in the making and its still not 100% all the time but we've finally gotten to the point where the kids all know that we stay in the designated room for the whole time, they can have quiet activities but if they get too loud there will be consequences. And here I was without a way to watch conference...not good. I figured we would go up to the church and watch it there, at least for the morning session and then we would just listen to the afternoon session. So I had the kids all pysched to go to the church and watch it, gave them all a brand new notebook and pencil and packed a small quiet snack for each of them(I really played this whole going to the church to watch it thing up so that they wouldn't whine too much). We got there about 5 mins til 9 and the building was unlocked, not another car in sight and not a soul in the building...and no tv set up for conference :( :( :( :( >:( the kids were bummed, and I was upset. So we came back home and I tried to get the laptop to pull up the audio feed...and it wouldn't work! UGH! I decided to see if MY broken computer would at least pull up the audio. And it finally did! And what an amazing session. I have never been so affected by a session of conference as I was today. It was profound for me. Every single question that I had brought with me to conference was answered right in that one session. The biggies that I've been dealing with for some time now, the ones that have really weighed me down? They were answered and I have the strength and conviction to press forward with steadfast faith in Christ. I see now just exactly where my thoughts and feelings came from that were holding me back and weighing me back. And to reference the afternoon session. I will not look down at the floor/ground when I get discouraged. I will look up, step up, and cheer up. For strength comes from above, not below.
So you see I almost didn't get to have this experience today, and I will forever be grateful that I did, that I was blessed enough to feel what I felt and to know that its true.

New hair!

I adore getting my hair done. Heck, I just adore spending time at the salon PERIOD! I'm digging my new colors :) yeah, they are a little out there, but I really like it. Cory says he doesn't hate it. But thats about all he's said lol. My kids are about to walk through the door and see it for the first time, so I can't wait to hear what they think about it lol. The only problem is that now I want to go play with my hair instead of studying, ugh. Oh! Did you notice how long its getting? I'm not going to let it get too much longer, but I'm mostly enjoying the length.

Blessed

I feel so blessed, for so many reasons. I know that I whine, complain, and have complete meltdowns quite often over the state of things in my life. But when I really stop to ponder all that I have...it humbles me and sends me to my knees in supplication and prompts me to overflow with gratitude for all that I've been blessed with.
There are times when its hard for me to keep my focus on the big picture. Yesterday was one of those days. Long story short, as we were walking out of the dr's office yesterday our pediatrition(whom we didn't see that day, but the nurse practitioner instead) stopped me specifically to ask how the nursing program was going for me. She also said that she wanted to tell me that even though its hard right now, I have to keep going. That even though my children may resent what I'm doing right now, that they will eventually realize that I'm not doing this just for myself, but for them too. That they will come to respect and honor me for the choice that I've made. She told me all of this without me even mentioning just how hard its been for the past little while. I firmly believe that she was prompted to tell me those things. I firmly believe that Heavenly Father needed to get that message to me and chose her to deliver it. Things like that show me how much I am blessed.
Another reason that I'm so blessed is in the family that I have, always willing to do what they can when they can. You all know who you are, and that I will forever appreciate the things you do.
Music is another amazing blessing in my life. The power that any given song holds just staggers me at times. I had one of those times this past Sunday during sacrament meeting. We sang Hymn 169, and the line " And silently we prayfor courage to accept thy will, to listen and obey" resonated inside my head and heart. I struggle with feeling like I need to "conform" or fit inside a premade mold in order to be a "good" member of the church. And it irks me, not like you would imagine I'm sure, it irks me to think of living my life by the ways that someone else dictates...how DARE you tell ME how I'M going to live my life kinda thing. Its a stubbornness thing, an independence and strongwilled sorta thing. But that line, well, it shows me that I need to be praying for the courage to accept the way the lord wants me to live my life. He knows ME, and while I'll NEVER be perfect, he loves me, he wants what is best for me, and that if I can overcome those feelings there is a whole lot in store for me.

I'm better

So yesterday was just a craptastic day all around. I'm not going to go into what all transpired, but it was bad enough that on my way home I had to pull over on the side of the road and cry...ok, I bawled my little eyes out. And then I continued my drive home, HOME to where those who love me best were waiting. The moment they saw me walking up to the door I could hear them shouting "MOMMY!!" and a smile started thinking about gracing my face. And the whole evening just got the best of me, and I felt so much lighter and able to cope.
So the house is still trashed, and the kitchen even more so since Cory has spent the last two nights canning corn, and I'm just going to go into my bedroom and shut the door and IGNORE the mess so that I can get through the reading I have set for today.
Oh, and the best part of my night was when my husband had me practically splitting my sides laughing, I don't laugh at just anything. In fact, I don't even smile very much. But he has a way of bringing it out in me, he is the perfect flip side to my coin.
I couldn't do this without the support I get from my family and close friends. I'm only amazing b/c you all keep me going ♥♥

I'm struggling

As I head into my third week of classes the stress is starting to amass...and now its the silly little things that are setting me off...I have some critical thinking questions that I desperately need to print out, and my printer ran out of ink this morning! I do not have the money to go buy a new cartridge, nor do I have to money to email all this to the print shop for them to print out...and one of the ppl in my study group sent attachments to me that I MUST have in a format that I cannot open. Come to find out that rather than take the time to type them all up(like the rest of us did)she just scanned pages of her notebook...I am not amused.
My house is trashed, and it doesn't seem to bother anyone but me, I'm pulling huge double duty with trying to run my family AND be a fabulous student. I just don't think I'm getting the support I need. But who do I have to turn to? My overworked husband?? If I mention that more needs to be done around the house all thats going to happen is an argument, and that sure isn't going to help anyones stress level. I'm coming off the heels of an extended weekend with the kids. They even have today off and I don't so I had to find an all day sitter(another thing to stress about). I got some school work done, but not nearly the amount that I needed to. I'm going to have to push myself hard the next two days to get done what needs to be done.
Ok, I've whined long enough. Its not like the whining fixed anything, but at least now I think I have vented long enough that I'm not going to spew nasty words about the nasty state of my house all over my husband...and thats gotta be a plus.

I'm a survivor!

I've survived the 2nd week of school. I still maintain that my Statistics class is a freaking JOKE, and am looking forward to some REAL instruction instead of just reviewing the PREFACE for TWO WEEKS. I am literally buried in Nursing and Pharmacology homework. And honestly, thats ok. I've got my little black planner that is keeping me on track with what I need to read, study, and whats due when. B/c BUH-leive you me...they don't kid around in the nursing program. I'm doing well actually. I did break my streak though :( My first two tests I got 100% on...the 3rd however...I missed one question and got a 95%. Its still a good grade. but its not an A. (and just so you know, anything lower than a 78 is an F in Nursing school...ya, I'm not lying) I did have another test yesterday, and I'm not sure of my score yet...I think I missed one. I'm not striving for perfection quite frankly, I just want to do the best that I can. And I'm no slacker thats for sure. It shocks me though that there are quite a few students who are already in danger of flunking out though. As hard as we all had to work to even get into the program I would have thought that more people would be doing better.
I better get off of the computer...I've got a bajillion(ok, more like 8) chapters that I need to review for ONE of my upcoming exams, and I have computer homeworks to get done, and med cards to write, and chapters to pre-read for next weeks lecture, and and and and :) I'm exhausted more than half the time, but I'm not really complaining and there is NO WAY I'm giving up...I want this, I've got this! <--remind me I said that if I do start to complain.

School has started

Yup, I'm just finishing up my first week of school. Its been long. Not too hard, but don't worry, I know it will get there quickly. Started the first day with a bang. Test on the first day, I knew about it from orientation. I managed to get 100%!!! What a way to start off the semester! And then today, the one thing I've been stressing over all week long...the dosage calculations. That test I have to pass with 100%...I have three chances. I was stressing sooooo much that I gained two pimples :( After being shown how to work them I've got this down pat! (have I ever mentioned that I'm a visual/kinesthetic learner? Its a huge disadvantage, but I'll work with what I've got lol) SOOOO I've read until my eyes have completely glassed over. Thats all ok though b/c I've gained a whole buncha knowledge. I'm a critical thinker. I'm learning concepts and applications :) I know my limitations and I'm working to push my limits farther and farther out there.

And so...

It has begun. The kids(all 4) started school this past Wednesday. Yup, even little Miss Rylee. My heart broke just a little bit when we took them to school, as per tradition, on that first day. We got to the playground and pointed out a few lesser known acquaintances to Rylee and tried to encourage her to play. She hesitated, and I could see the panic about to form. Then in( or out, since we were on the playground) walks her little cousin Ellie, who happens to be in the VERY same class. So they hugged, and we snapped some pictures of the two of them together and off they went. She never even looked back. My heart cracked a little, I can admit it.
Since we officially had ZERO kids to worry about for the day AND Cory was off, we went fishing. It was fun! We caught three little dinky trout, but still, we talked and laughed, and I secretly wiped away a tear a time or two. Then the next day, another milestone, Rylee got to ride the school bus. She was thrilled and happy go lucky right up until the bus was about 15 feet away...then she says "Nataly I can sit with you right?" Finally revealing that apprehension. But once again, she boared and never looked back, I walked back to the house alone. I wanted to cry a stray tear, however Cory and I had plans again. We indulged and went and saw a movie. And then again today, the kids walked down to the bus by themselves and I kissed them all before they left. I didn't have to spend my day alone though b/c I went to work with Cory, which is always a special treat. He is sooo different at work than at home. Which is an entirely different post. I've completely enjoyed the quality time I have spent with my best friend. I believe that it says so much that we can spend 3 days in each others company and not be tired of each other. I have exactly 16 days until classes officially start for me. In sending my baby off to kindergarten I may have closed the door to one phase in my life but so many more have opened up. Not to mention all the growing and maturing taking place on many levels with the crazy mob of kids around here. I'm blessed to be such a big part of their lives, but they've got to discover their own selves too.

When the hubby is away....

When my husband goes out of town, more often then not we are stuck at home with nothing to do. This time around I decided to change things up a bit. So the night he left for his canoe trip on lake powell we had a single mom friend of mine and her 4 kids come over for a campfire and sleepover! It was fun, way to hot for a campfire, but still seriously fun...and a bit crazy with 8 kids running around! And when we made popcorn for everyone, I had to bust out my super giant size bowl and my friends eyes were huge! She had never seen a bowl so incredibly big lol. We played disney scene it, and the boys ran around like banshee's and we just plain had fun. Today the kids and I are skipping town to go visit my favorite mechanics(my brother and dad) and while I wish I could say that its only because I want so desperately to spend time with them, I must admit that its at least 3/4 because my car is being problematic...and the aforementioned spouse has little to no time(or desire, despite the know-how)to delve into it and fix the confounded thing. Then on Saturday we've got Bountiful Baskets and the Harry Potter trivia contest. I happen to belong to the reigning champion team, so I have a 2 year title to defend, I'm hoping for a three year streak, but just playing and having some Harry Potter fun is plenty. So at least this time around we aren't missing Cory too badly. Sure hope that man is having fun!

Parenting

Yesterday was a pretty good all around day...until dinner time. When my daughter walked in from the Grands house with a face full of make up on...smeared no less b/c she had been swimming. Now, before you get on me for raising issue with this, please keep in mind that she is 9. And she is my daughter, and I'm the parent. That makes following my rules mandatory, and she knows it. And in all actuality, it wasn't so much the fact that she had been playing with make up, although she should have called first and it all should have been washed off...completely off before she set foot out of that house. Its more that it was her older cousins make up, and the older cousin specifically told her NOT to mess with it...and she still did. And even more than that, she LIED about it. And then the LIED and LIED on top of it. So being the judge, jury, and executioner, punishment was handed down...and drama ensued. Drama which I have never seen from her before. Screaming, yelling, THROWING things, I was disconcerted to say the least. Granted, the throwing, and screaming took place in her bedroom. She is very very mad at me for punishing her. And thats ok, she can be mad. Its more important to me to be her mom than to be her friend, and someday she will realize why its more important. It hurts me that she is so upset with me, but I'll get over it. She has to know that what she did was wrong, and I want her to learn from it so that she doesn't make the same mistake twice. And let me tell you, the drama started again this morning when I gave her a chore to do...she has to pick up trash outside. Manual labor is one thing that Emily despises, so its what is going to make the biggest impact right now. Now, I'm off to finish a list of jobs that must be complete before the loss of priviledges is lifted.

Its HERE!!! sorta

I don't have my bountiful basket in my hands yet....I do have a picture and a detailed list of all that came in it though! I had my sister pick mine up since I'm doing a yard sale today. A yard sale that is going down as an abismal failure, but oh well.

Do you see all of this?! 2 heads of romaine lettuce, 2 bunches of kale, 2 bunches of green onions, 1 head of cauliflower, 3 bananas, 1 mango, 1 white honeydew melon, 1 heirloom tomato, 3 nectarines, 7 plums, 2 containers of blackberries, and an english cucumber :D I'm so happy! I have never had kale so this is will be fun to figure out how to cook/eat it.
My sister and I also split a 15 lb box of 'donut' or flat peaches. So we are each getting 22 peaches!

I'm already excited for the next go round in two weeks, this is going to make it so much easier to keep fresh fruits and veggies in the house, and this is a much more affordable way to do it too!

Don't forget to check out bountiful baskets

What summer is all about!...for me anyways.

I hit an amazing yard sale this afternoon! Kids clothes galore, in ALL sizes. I was thrilled. We walked out of there with some serious booty. The best find of all was a name brand heavy duty winter jacket for $3 for Emily YEAH!! Its time to start thinking about getting everyone outfitted for school...since they have 19 days until they start :( So we are planning a trip to phx to hit up some Goodwill stores. Even if all we get is jeans. Then I have family members on the look out for good shoe sales, because, face it, with 6 people in this house, we go through shoes at an amazing rate. Those family members are also on the look out for good sturdy backpacks at a good price. We still have to stock up on the basics: underwear(panties), socks, hair dillys...and this year we are buying BRA'S as well...and I don't mean those flimsy little trainers either...we are talking a 30A...gahhhhhhh. That right there is a whole different post though.
Another thing that I love about summer is ZUCCHINI!!! And all other squashes lol. I miss the big scale gardens of years past, none of us have the energy for one right now. But we are loving every little bit that we do get. I did a post a looooong time ago about zucchini recipes...I think I may have to round up some more of my favorites and post them. I hope you are enjoying your summer as much as I'm enjoying mine!

Bit o' the bubbly?

I can't hide my addiction any longer :( I've become HOOKED on soda! I've never been much of a soda drinker. But this last semester....well, I had to work hard. I mean really hard. That entailed lots of extra study time, lots of early mornings, late nights, and a whole lot of driving to and from class and study groups. So I started getting a soda here and there to give me a buzz and get me through the rest of my day.
Now those of you who know me well know that I don't handle caffeine so much. I cannot down a Monster or a Rockstar. Heck, if I drink 6 oz of one of those I bounce of the walls for hours on end. Ask my mom who talked me into getting a super yummy starbucks back in December. I got the smallest size and didn't even finish it all....I was up and going strong for 12 hours after that...til 4 in the morning!
But its becoming a frequent thing for me to try and invent a reason to drive to town just so I can go buy a soda. Why don't I stock up and keep a supply on hand you say?? Well, because then I would HAVE to drink them...I would have no self control! Today I think I hit rock bottom though...I went to pick up my kids who were playing at their Great-grandma's house...and I bummed a soda. I felt ashamed even asking. But I feel purty darn happy sitting here typing and sucking that diet coke down! This has got to stop. I've got to renew my relationship with H2O and give up this love affair with soda...

Bountiful Baskets

TWO posts in one day?! Forgive me, but it is food related, just like the previous post. I just wanted to share this with all of you. Here is a picture of what my sister received two weeks ago for her first bountiful basket order.

WOWZA!Thats a crown of brocoli, a canary melon, 2 bunches of celery, a bunch of bananas, 4 asian pears, 9 nectarines, 4, heirloom tomatoes, 2 packs of raspberries, and 3 butternut squash!! All that for less than $20! So I'm getting my own basket this week, and I hope that I love it as much as I love what she got.
Oh, you can check out this website if you want more info about the co-op.
www.bountifulbaskets.org

Pizza Pasta

I thought I'd share another recipe with you :) This is one of my go-to summer potluck recipes(as many of you will know...if you've had us over recently!)

1 box of tri color corkscrew pasta
1 or 2 cans of sliced black olives(Ethan loves it when I use green olives instead :P)
1 red onion chunkily(be that a word?) chopped
sliced fresh mushrooms, which I then run a knife through so they are coarsely chopped
1 bell pepper, coarsely chopped
1 bag of mini pepperoni's OR just buy the regular size and cut them in quarters
Mozzarella cheese-shredded...maybe 8 oz?? perhaps more
1 small can tomatoe paste
ZESTY Italian dressing

Boil the pasta until Al-dente. I drain but don't rinse. While its boiling I get all my chopping done.
Then combine all veggies with pasta and add in the cheese while the pasta is still hot/warm. Combine the tomatoe past and italian dressing, whisk together well and combine with the rest...WAHLA! Pizza pasta! Cory and I prefer it while its still warm, but most ppl that I know like it cold.
Also, if you don't get the zesty dressing, your salad will seem slightly greasy.
And just so you know, I've been making this recipe for a looooong time. Long before those special mini pepperoni's came out(I just realized that a very similar recipe is on the back of those bags LOL, I didn't want you to think I was ripping this off!)

My kids are leaving this afternoon for a few days. Oh, whatever shall I do! My kids think I will be lost and confused without them lol. Luckily, I'm more resilient than that! I'm going to live it up and enjoy having a few uninterrupted days with my dear hubby ♥ I don't have anything planned, so we will be winging it, which is something I miss from my pre-kid days.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love my children to limits here-to unheard of. I just need a break every now and then. Once they get back, I know I'll be a more patient and kind mommy b/c of the break! I've told my kids on many occasions that Cory is my best friend and its really true. So in order for our relationship to thrive it is essential for us to have that one on one time. Time to recharge, rediscover, have fun, goof off, time to remember why all this craziness is worth it!

We all scream for....popsicles!

We are a household of popsicle addicts! We buy them year round. And if we happen to run out, everyone acts as though we will starve to death! Since I'm trying to shape things up around here I'm not buying as many, we are making them instead. So you all know that I'm not a picture person. So you'll just have to deal with my descriptions and try it yourself.
Our all time favorite so far this year has been the whole fruit popsicles. I just took fresh fruit and plunked it into the popsicle molds and then filled it with capri sun juice. My favorite was mandarin oranges, strawberries, grapes and kiwi. The kids enjoy making yogurt pops, and since my mom gifted us with a 5lb bag of frozen mixed berries and another one of blueberries we have a steady supply. Now, with watermelon in season and on sale we made popsicles out of that too! I just put it in the blender and added some chunks of strawberries to the popsicle molds before I poured in the pureed watermelon. Now...my sister just told me that she did watermelon ones but she used raspberries that she had received from bountiful baskets. I LOVE RASPBERRIES!! So I'm def. going to be trying that one. I can't wait to see what other creations the kids come up with for popsicles. I personally want to try the root beer float ones that I've seen on pinterest. And I want to try strawberry(or raspberry) lemonade ones.

A road somewhat familiar

I found out a few days ago that a cousin of mine was sent to a type of life skills living. Basically, she is living with a couple about 4 hrs from her home, she will have limited contact with her own family, she will receive counseling and be required to take her meds. Its like foster care, but her parents still retain ALL parental rights. My first thought was a huge flashback to my time at Cross Creek Manor. The good, the bad, and the UGLY....me and my attitude being the ugly lol. There is a big age difference between my cousin and I...she is roughly half my age. I called her mom to see how they were doing, because, honestly now that I'm 'done with my time' and I'm a parent now myself. I can see how sending me to treatment was so much harder on my parents than it was on me. I did ask if I was allowed to have her address and if I could write her. I basically wrote her a fluff letter. All full of I love you's and other fluff support statements. I don't even know if she'll read my letter. I do know that she is either a) beyond caring about anything at this point or b)in the honeymoon phase...trying to pretend that everything is fine. She is alot different from me, in that I chose to medicate my own problems with drugs and alcohol. She has a true chemical imbalance and is def. on the behavior problem end of the spectrum...if such a spectrum exists someplace other than my own head.
I've said it so many times, but I'm going to say it again. I didn't like being in treatment. For the first year I was there, I made it well known that I didn't want anything to do with their 'program'. A point came where realization hit, and I finally saw the truth of my life as I had been living it. It was never easy. I'm so glad that I have parents who were willing to sacrifce so much for me, to love and cherish me enough that they did so much for me, to get me to a place that I would be safe from myself and the world, a place that would get through to me and teach me the skills and give me the tools to live my life without drugs, alcohol and other destructive behaviors. I'm hopeful that my cousin will at least read my letter, and write me back. I don't even dare hope that we can develop a deeper relationship. Goodness knows that I don't hold the answers for her, she has to find these on her own, and I have a good amount of faith that she will. I love her, and will continue to support her in becoming the best her that she can be.

Health goal check

So let me just start right out by saying, I have a goal that is not going to get to come to completion. I made the goal to be able to ride my bike to the turnoff and back(about 11.3 miles) before the end of the year. for the first 4 months of the year, I worked really really hard to get closer to that goal. Then...well, I could give you a huge list of excuses...the biggest by far being that classes got insane once spring break was over. I know that I said more than once that it felt as though my instructors were trying to cram in an extra semester worth of work into those last 7 weeks.
But now I've been out of school for like 6 weeks...if not longer. So why haven't I done anything to get myself back on track?!?! Goodness knows I surely need too. I am crabby, and depressed, not eating so very well, and my back problems have escalated to the point that on Fathers day, I had to leave church as soon as my darling primary children were done singing so that I could come home and take some heavy duty narcotic pills. Thank heavens the Daddy in this house slept most of the day(he didn't get home until 7am that morning and had to go to work again at 6pm) so there wasn't tooo much pressure on me! And his dinner request was beyond simple. Homemade mac and cheese....extra cheesy.
But back to the health stuffs. I dream about working out again, I'm not kidding. I really do dream about it. I have looked into the way I want to approach it this time. I mean, I loooooved going to the gym, but I know that its just not feasible at the moment. I'm pinching as many pennies as possible to be able to pay for my gas this coming semester, and I have shelled out more than you could imagine for books and scrubs...and I still have more stuffs to buy.
SOOOOOOO, I want the working out thing to become a staple for me....like, well, like facebook and pinterest, or like going on a date with my husband. Something that gets done on a regular basis, something I look forward to and ekk out extra time to sneak it into my day.
Here are my ideas on how to make this possible for ME
shovel out the play room and put the extra tv in there to work out to dvd's.
Also store yoga mat and all weights/work out accessories in that same location.
Post various workouts on the wall...or make a place that I can hang them up and take them down and store.
I think I will set a workout challenge for the kids and I every day. Not anything hard mind you, just things like spend 20 or 30 mins outside with the jump ropes...actually using them to jump rope and not lasso things lol.
I do have to say that I'm doing really well with my sleep health, which has been an issue in the past. Minus today, I am getting 7 to 8 hours of solid sleep every night! Due to the aforementioned back pain, I have been spending time every night doing stretches and a few yoga poses.
I'm going to admit that I have looked into some diet pills that would 'help' me out...available by RX only. there are pros and cons, and while I really really want to do it...there is just something that holds me back.
I've also looked into having weight loss surgery. Yeah, I really am THAT big...I qualify based on many different things actually...

HOLY LONG POST!!!

Thanks to a dear friend of mine for encouraging a health related blog post. Its getting me out of a hole I've dug for myself :)

Some summer favorites

Its been awhile :D I'm busy living my summer to the fullest...and being slothful all at the same time! Don't worry, its not going to last much longer, I got an email from my nursing instructor that detailed all the things that I need to be learning on my own right now in order to be ready to jump in head first once the real semester starts. I'm already overwhelmed every time I think of it...so for now I'm just NOT thinking of it...too much anyways.
I just wanted to pop in and share a few of our favorite summer recipes with you. I hope you enjoy them just as much as we do!

Best Homemade Lemonade
1 3/4 cup sugar
8 cups water
1 1/2 cups fresh squeezed lemon juice

In a small suacepan combine sugar and 1 cup of the water-stir to dissolve. bring to a full rolling boil. remove from heat and let cool to room temp, then finish cooling in the fridge. I usually pour my syrup into a glass mason jar to put in the fridge.

Stir together lemon juice and syrup, add remaining 7 cups of water, using ice cubes if desired.

Quick Pickles

6 cups sliced cucumbers
1 cup sliced onion(red onions are the BEST for this IMHO!!)
2 cups vinegar(white or cider)
1 cup water
2 cups sugar
2 tsp. pickling salt(NON iodized salt)
2 tsp celery seed
1 tsp mustard seed 2 cloves garlic

put the cloves in the bottom of a large glass jar or two quart size jars. fill with cucs and onions. combine the rest of the ingredients in a saucepot and bring to a boil. Pour into bottle(s)and keep in fridge with lids on overnight.

I'm hoping to find time between playing in the water, reading, fishing and being slothful to have some more fun summer recipes to share soon.

Change in patterns

Since Saturday last week I seen a dramatic change in my internet habits. I usually spend a little time in the morning checking all my favorite things: Facebook, Blogs, wmicentral, pinterest, bank(not really a favorite, just a necessity), email. Now before I check any of my regular haunts, I'm on inciweb, and other fire related news sites...it doesn't sit well with me. And its not just the first thing I check, I check it at least 5 times a day. What can I say? I'm compulsive, I'm a worrywart. Mostly I know its because I'm not there, and I hate not being 'in the loop'. And its compounded by the fact that my Dad is the fire chief in Luna, my brother a firefighter, my mom is there, my husband was on the perimeter of the fire for two days. Cory will be going back on Thursday to work again. The hardest part is not having even text capabilities...I think I ranted on this subject already though. So I'll take myself off to bed to rest my weary body :)

That man of mine

Is it any wonder that I haven't had time to post here on my blog? We have been trying to live our summer to the fullest...only somethings are beyond our control. Like right now, Cory is out working on the Wallow Fire. He's been gone since early Sunday morning. No idea when he will be back. Perhaps tonight, but I'm not counting on it. And who knows, he could come back and get a real nights sleep only to head back up there. We knew ahead of time that he was going up there, so we didn't have to do a last minute scramble like with the last forest fire...that one happened when he was at home with the kids by himself and was told to go NOW. I was at girl scouts and he had to scramble for a sitter. Thank heavens I have amazing cousins! Cory even left me a little love note on our bathroom mirror for me to see after he left and I woke up. Made my day, I tell ya. I got to talk to him last night close to midnight, just long enough so that I knew he was okay, and to relay some info to him and visa versa. This morning I awoke to a little love note text from him, again, my day is set. He melts my heart, that Deputy of mine. We can't keep in regular contact even with texting b/c the area he is in only has spotty service since the tower burned down and the 'temporary tower' doesn't seem to work so great. I should hear from him again tonight and I'm looking forward to it. I guess the love notes are the trade off since I did his ironing the other night.
What I wouldn't give to have another 4 day vacation with the man I love. I think I'm going to start planning one right now! Nothing as extravagant as Vegas this time, just something for the two of us....away.

Simple pleasures

For the past I can't tell you how many summers, I have either just had a baby, was getting ready to have a baby, had just had surgery, or just plain overcommitted myself. So I haven't had any patio planters full of flowers in quite some years.
I decided that this was the year that I was changing that...I pause and smile each time I walk in or out of my front door as I admire my numerous flowers planted around. Or I can just gaze out my front window and look at my Mother's Day hanging planters :) I'm gearing up to work on my side patio and I'm even hoping to be able to talk Cory into building me some really huge planters that I have a perfect place picked out for.
Tonight was Em's last girl scout meeting until fall...all year long (even with the stress of classes) I have been a co-leader for her troop. It really was a huge trial b/c I DID NOT get along well with the actual troop leader...neither does Emily for that matter...but thats another post entirely! So, the girls all were aware that even though Emily will continue scouts, I will not be co-leading next year. They presented me with a planter of dirt(ooooooookaaaaaay) and then one by one they each came in and gifted me with a different flower to put in the planter and told me how much they appreciated all that I did for them(AWWWWWWWWWW!). I arranged it all(in the rain no less)when I got home and the eclectic mix really works well together :) I'm going to think of them every single time I water that planter. And I think next year I will just have to put another eclectic mix in there b/c it works so well.

My advice to each of you? Get out and spruce up you entryway/doorway/patio with some pretty flowers. Its taken away quite a bit of my stress and gives back to me each time I pause to admire them.

Schools out!!!

Not for long though lol. I have a feeling that the next three months will zoom by quite quickly. So I'm going to jump in head first and enjoy every single moment of it! I'm still feeling like I want to attempt some crafty things. Some of the things on my list include: homemade miracle foot creme, which will be perfecto for this upcoming summer, a mirror makeover, flower hair dillys(b/c I REFUSE to pay $5 to $12 bucks for them), a cute way to display photos, a unique family name plaque/collage/thing, I have a rug to finish crocheting, scrubbys to clean with, some super fabulous glass jars that my mom gave me(not sure how I'm going to 'amanda' these up, but I'm excited), tera cotta pots to paint for my patios, a beyond belief, VERY country candle chandelier(I'm tempted to change it a bit and make it a pot rack for my kitchen...but cory would VETO), and Oh so many other things that I want to do! I'll never get it all done. And thats part of the joy...the carry over of the I WANT TO DO list :) Happy end of school!

Start, Oh wait! STOP!!!

Lately, I have wanted so much to be crafty. To just dig in and get creative. Well, that doesn't work so very well when I have these classes to focus on! I have started crocheting a rug with Emily...only to stop.
I have started to make some little hair dilly's...only to stop. I have a million other craft ideas running through my little head, which is disconcerting enough, because, hey! thats not the norm for me!
Crafts aren't the only thing started then stopped around here lately either! I have piles of laundry all over my living room....I'm not joking. They got washed, and dried....and dumped. Gotta get the studying done! I have 8 class periods left until this semester is done. These last tests are going to be nightmares though, which is why so much is going undone. On March 13th I swear I'm gonna clean and crafty like a mad lady, and I can't wait for it!!

Just BREATHE

I'm 3/4 of the way into full panic mode. I just found out that THIS WEEK, yeah, THIS ONE that we are in right now, that ends THIS SUNDAY, is the last week that I can test out of my typing class.
Do you remember that I told you I fell waaaaaaaaaaaay behind in that one b/c I was studying for my entrance exam? UGH!!
I have a feeling that I will be pulling a few all nighters between now and Sunday in order to get it done....so I won't get an F in the class.
Add to that the fact that I have a quiz tomorrow, a HUGE micro exam, extra credit that will be due, numerous chapters to read, learn, re-read, and study for anatomy, the entire reproductive system to learn(yeah, I thought I knew all THOSE parts lol...turns out it a hell-of-a lot more complicated that i thought), a poster/research paper project, and of course, I have my family that must must MUST remain top priority.
And yes, I'm sure you are thinking something like "forget the extra credit...thats just EXTRA!" and I'm here to tell ya that, dang it, I NEED those points! Not because I'm demand to be top in my class(cuz I'm not!) but b/c I have a horrid test score that I need to compensate for...and yuppers, thats all on me.
If you happen to see me, just grin and say hi...and if my hair is sticking up in tufts from me yanking at it in my stressed out mode...just kindly give me a hug and smooth it down for me would ya? Thankssomuch.

Its a secret(not really) family recipe

As the 3 older kids were headed out the door this morning, Emily suggested that I make a crazy cake today. I thought, why not? Rylee would LOVE to help me with it.
Here's the recipe and even *gasp* pictures of the steps. This recipe has been in my family for a L.o.n.g. time, so many generations that I can't even tell ya how many.

Crazy Cake
3 cups flour
2 cups sugar
1/3 cup baking cocoa
2 tsps baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup oil
2 Tablespoons white vinegar
2 cups water

First take a 9 x 13 pan(glass works best)
measure all your dry ingredients straight into the pan

with a fork combine these ingredients thoroughly

Now make three wells or indents in the dry ingredients and measure out your wet ingredients minus the water into the wells

Now pour the 2 cups of water over the top of the whole thing
and mix with the forks until nice and cake batter-y like

Bake at 350 degrees F for 45 mins to 1 hour. You can sprinkle powdered sugar on top to make it fancier if you want.

I have never put frosting on this cake, so I honestly don't know what it would taste like with it! The best part about this cake is the mixing and measuring because its so kid friendly! And the taste :) I love this cake. Miss Rylee cannot seem to remember that its called crazy cake though...she calls it silly cake! Its works, I guess!

You wouldn't believe!

You really wouldn't believe all that is going on in the kingdom at the moment, its crazy, fun(most of the time), and best of all we've spent so much real time together.
~Ethan had the chance to wrestle in his first ever tournament and took 4th place in his age/weight division.
~Emily started softball. This is her first 'organized' sports activity and she already loves it, and has been praised over her batting stance many times.
~I'm holding my own in my classes!!!! Always exciting, and for once I really feel that I am grasping the science.
~Nataly's play(the one I made the bluebird costume for) was amazing, and she was honestly the best looking bluebird up there.
~Emily's play was fantastic, while I didn't have to make a costume for this one, she did bust out some pretty sweet dance moves.
~Fun filled nights of impromptu softball on the front lawn, priceless
~Fun filled(and sometimes painful) card games around the kitchen table, again, priceless!
~Cory got all 3 bundles of onions planted and watered(thats like 9 dz onions folks :S)
~Vegas was the BEST EVER! spending all that time alone with Cory was something that was needed and so worth it!
~Nataly and Rylee caught some rainbow trout while fishing with the grands

My heart is full for the many blessings that I have. Life around here is not always easy...hell, very rarely is it easy around here. But its worth it, and we are doing the best we can.

:P

Sometimes its incredibly easy to tell that I'm overwhelmed...all walls aside lol. Just look in my fridge and if you see a betty crocker frosting container with two large spoonfuls missing....yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm stressing just a bit!

How romanti......OOPS!

We had houseguests coming on short notice and my house was in what I like to call 'semester mode'. Meaning, that there were dishes in the sink, and general clutter everywhere. I had asked Cory to help with Ethans monthly craft project in the small window of time he had between dropping off Rylee at pre school and going to work. All I needed him to do was to spray paint two #10 cans.
Imagine my surprise when I got home at 6pm that night and found some amazing looking cans, dishes done, AND the playroom/spare room cleaned up! As soon as he got home I went to corner him to give him a big smackaroo, and tell him thanks a million. But between children, the phone, and all sorts of other things, I didn't get to tell him at that moment. Flash forward about another hour and I saw him walk into the playroom, it reminded me that I still needed to sincerely thank him. I followed him in there and proceeded to tell him thank you. I mentioned that I was going to give him a big smackaroo earlier but we got interrupted(this is the romantic oops part).
So he grabs me and goes to tip me back as he lays a whopper of a kiss on me....unfortunately we both had socks on and....we he started slowly slipping about the same time I did! I fell the last 3 or 4 inches to the ground. and landed right on his toe with my butt OUCHIE!! we laid there and laughed once I had the ouchie under control. And trying to capture the romance back for a bit he was whispering in my ear(seriously picture this....we are giggling and laughing on the floor, half in and half out of the door. The kids are looking at us as though we are more nuts than usual) and the freaking phone rings! Romance can be hard to come buy in this house sometimes!

Building a wall

I don't understand why I slip into these dark moods of mine. Even when I take such care to not slide under...it still happens eventually. If you don't understand depression, then you will never have a clue as to what I feel when I'm like this.
Now, I'm quite well known for building walls within myself. The purpose of walls is two-fold. I don't really want anyone to get in, but even more than that I don't want anything to get out. Sounds strange, I'm sure. I'm such an outspoken person, if I feel something, well, you are going to know about it. At least thats how I usually am. But not when the darkness of the depression creeps in and consumes. I could happily sit and stare at nothing for hours on end, in a dark room, with blankets pulled over my head. Have you seen New Moon? The scene where Bella is sitting in the chair staring out the window with only a mental monologue going on as the months change and pass? THAT is what I feel like doing. One telling sign for me...I sat down and watched TV last night, alone, for hours, by myself...not good, not good at all. I pull away from those that I love, I feel hurt and angry, and its not a rational thing. There is no reason for me to feel like this. So if I retreat behind a wall, no one needs to know that I feel these things, and hopefully they will just leave me the hell alone.
Today, I got out and walked in the sunshine. I forced myself to interact with my youngest in a positive way. I spent hours on homework. I'm not giving up, I have to much to live for. Life is not going to pass me by. I will work through this until I have beaten it back for the time being. It does get easier though, everytime I recognize what is going on and I beat it back I can go longer without having it come back. "It" is a part of me lol. Not a part that I really like, however, I learn something about myself every single time I go through this. So I'm still growing and learning. The song below has been playing in my head all morning...and I'll have you know, its not true, a rock does feel pain...it just hides it deep inside and has that tough outer wall so it doesn't escape.

Tell me please

Sometimes I just need the words...not the actions.

I should be happy, and other ramblings

...and yet I'm not. Or at least I'm not as happy as I want to be. I have a good time for a few moments and then I just feel down in the dumps again. I really don't get it. Maybe it's because I'm stick struggling with this sickness. Perhaps it's because I have an incredible amount on my plate...responsibility is as responsibility does.
Whatever the reason I just want to curl up and avoid so many things. I'm working hard at working out :) so that should help. I'm on top of my classes...wellllll, errrrr...okay confession time: While studying for the HESI exam and the harder than it should have been compass math test, I fell behind in my online advanced computer class...now I'm over a month behind and I don't see myself catching up. So I either have to test out of the class or take an F, ugh.
Its gorgeous outside, and I made the most of it by taking Rylee to the park and we soaked up some sunshine and vitamin D. I also dropped off a special little something for Emily at school. She had such a rough day yesterday and by the time I picked her up at the grands house last night she was in tears. I mean literally sobbing, tears flooding her face and the front of my shirt, heart-wrenching, gut twisting sobs, that left her with a stuffy nose, a headache, and a blotchy face. No amount of consoling eased her pain. So my momtuition told me that she needed to know that she was loved, she needed something a little more than words. And since we spent so much one on one time last night, I thought that a little gift would lift her spirits. So I spent quiet a bit of time picking out a card(get this...the girl LOVES store bought cards), and a little something. I packed it all up pretty and dropped it at the office for her. I lifts my heart some to such a little thing for her. Well, it seems little, but it will mean so much. It won't make the difficulties go away, but it will let her know that I'm here, right beside her holding her hand. It will let her know that I love her with all my heart, that she is one of the most precious people in my life, that I see her beauty...that I believe in her.
I'm going to keep pushing to find my happiness wherever it may be hiding out. Somebody around here has a birthday tomorrow, and there is a cake to make tonight. The kids'll love that.

I feel like doing something CrAfTy...
for those of you who know me, well you know what a craft failure I am...
so perhaps everyone should stay well away until I finish whatever I am destined to fail miserably at lol!

I feel flushed and overwhelmed by life. I need a break! I find myself snapping at my children ALL. THE. TIME!!! Apparently, they have noticed as well...one of them commented to their teacher that I always seem mad at them, and there has been a lot of yelling at our house lately.

Oh geez, yup, I'm just that kinda mom lately.

I'm devestated....

And I still need a break...

Before I break someone or something.

The way to my heart

Oh man! Today I am so thankful for those around me who step up and joyfully help out! My kids had an unused snow day that was being well, used, today lol. Cory had to work, and Tuesdays are the day that I leave the house at 6:30 am and don't get home until close to 6 pm. I'm serious. I have two classes, one in Show Low and one in Holbrook. So naturally, I had to get a sitter.
Sitters are not always too hard to find. But a GREAT sitter, who goes the extra mile, actually plays with the kids, and doesn't sit on the computer all day?? Those are the ones that are hard to find.
When I came home today, my sitter was washing dishes...by hand! Since the dishwasher was full and running lol. And I wished that I could have paid her more $$ than I did. That right there just made me want to cry! I gave her a huge hug and a heartfelt thanks instead :) Thats right, the way to my heart these days is a clean kitchen...feel free to indulge in some lovin' of me and come pick a random day and do my dishes, Goodness knows that by tomorrow it will need to be cleaned all over again!

First exam grade is in.

After waiting all weekend to find out my grade that was supposed to be posted on Friday, I got my test score for my first microbiology exam. 85%....not bad, not fabulous, but I will take it...and I will work even harder next time!

I have a new love in my life!

Sooooo....guess who rode the bike (at the gym) 10 miles in 30 mins, me thats who! Then I hit the weights for my flabby arms. Although, I have to tell ya that I do see a difference in them since I started working out! And for the grand finale, well, I actually did sit ups. I thought I was going to die, naturally. I could hear my body protesting this particular physical activity. It went something like this: "What the heck is she doing? Have we EVER done this before?! She is trying to kill us! Oh, WHY did I eat that pizza last night?! Isn't she done yet??" <--And that was just during my FIRST set lol. Because then I did a second set, and the voices went silent and just groaned in agony :) They better get used to it because we will be doing it again sometime really soon!
I am so in love with working out at the gym! I just wish that I wasn't such a glutton and actually had some self control when it comes to what I put in my mouth. I know I would see greater results if this was in fact something I could master. I'm sleeping better...mostly. I feel happier, which was the whole goal from the start. And I think the best side benny is that I get some social interaction with other adults. Which btw is something I'm saving for another post, but for now I will say that I have always considered myself pretty introverted, antisocial...just all around not a talky people-y kinda person. And I had some very interesting opinions about just how wrong I was in this.

Handel: Messiah, Hallelujah (Sir Colin Davis, Tenebrae, LSO)

I did it!

I turned in my application for the nursing program this morning! I wanted to belt out a hallelujah chorus once I handed it over, it was inspected and stamped. What a relief! I refuse to dwell on whether or not I will get accepted. I have enough on my mind right now. I will receive a letter right around spring break time telling me I was accepted or placed on the alternate list. Its out of my hands for now, and thats just fine with me.

I'm a MeSs

Applications are due on Tuesday for the nursing program.
My application is all filled out, just needs to be notarized.
My HESI score is great at 90%.
My letters of reccommendation are fabulous.



....but I still can't pass the compass math assessment test!!! SOOOO, I'm freaking out big time. I can only take it three times and I have taken it twice. I feel so frustrated with this, its not even math that I will use in any way, shape or form in the nursing program. Seriously, its harder than the entire math section of the HESI...but its still a hurdle that I have to overcome.

And I'm very nervous to think that I may not, which means no nursing program for me this year, which means....I have to come up with a new plan of action :( I'm already crushed and I haven't even taken the test for the final time.
I'm being told that its all about the calculator that you use, so I borrowed a flipping $200 calculator and have been working to learn how to use it all day. I'm getting ready to take a practice test....I'll let you know :S

Kickin' style

The adventure of the day is going to be shoe shopping! With all 4 kids!

I've done my planning ahead of time since I have to be thrifty out of neccesity!

-Checked for local sales!

-Printed out coupon found online

- Made sure everyone is wearing hole free socks!(lets face it, its just mortifying IMO)

I actually like taking the kids shoe shopping. I point them in the right direction for their size and let them roam and try things on to their hearts content. Each child has a different method. Ethan looks for the flashiest ones and quickly snags them and begs to do the 'walk and turn'. Emily, a tween, already has an idea of what she wants and scans until she finds THE pair. If they don't have THE pair, then she begs to go somewhere that will have THE pair. Nataly is the most practical, trying them on, wiggling the toes, tying the shoe, and just making sure that it does not irritate in any way possible. Rylee is the diva, it takes her FOR.EV. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRR! to even pick out a pair that she likes enough to try on. Then she tries on just about every pair available in her size. And then! This is the part that makes me laugh the most....she begs to be able to buy all the shoes she has tried on and not discarded for one reason or another. I wish I could buy every single pair, she is so stinkin' cute!! (Its the brown eyes and freckles, they get me every time!). But Mrs. Money Bags I am not. so one(maybe two) pairs will have to suffice.

Then we get to do the walk and turn up and down the aisles...depending on how many other people are in the store. We check for pinching, rubbing, things of that sort thing.

Then finally barring any unforseen issues we check out. At the particular store we shop at, they sell many hats, bags, backpacks and such. So then they all give me the lookey eyes and try to convince me that they need a new something or other to match the new shoes...LOL. upon checking out, they change into the new footwear and we go have lunch somewhere.

Yeah, we are strange, but we like us that way!

I've just got nothin' to say. So why don't you check out a few of the blogs that I follow and see what they have to say! Just sayin' is all.

Do ya like it hot?

Its going to be a long week I have a feeling. We spent all week nursing Ethan, who had temps close to 104. And tonight Rylee started in with a fever currently 102.8. Don't come to my house. Wear a hazzard suit if you feel you must stop by. And please pray that neither Cory or I get this bug since there is nobody to take care of us lol.

♫♪Running on Empty...♫♪

I have gobs of homework staring me down and screaming my name for attention!! Yet, I decided....welll, in all honesty it was Cory's idea, and I just expanded it a little bit.
See, Ethan has been home sick for most of the week, and tonight was Family Math Night at the youngers elementary school. There is no way I was taking Ethan out and exposing countless others to his sicko germs, NOR did I want to take Nataly on her own and have to make yet another trip into town as soon as I got home from school. So Cory(who hates FMN with a vengence BTW) came up with the suggestion that we have a family movie night since we got some new movies for Christmas that the kids and I have seen countless times now and he has not. I ran it by Nataly this morning, just to make sure her world wasn't going to crash if we didn't do FMN, and she was ecstatic(inward sigh of relief, I just can't handle little girl drama before 8 am lol).
Here's where my part comes in, I have been really craving ice cream, yet hadn't wanted to splurge on the purchase...I decided that movie night would be oodles more fun with ice cream! So I bought various fixin's for sundaes and WHALA!! We had a great time despite the fact that Ethan started to spike another fever.
Some things are just more important than homework sometimes...DON'T let my teachers hear that!
And now that the movie is over, I have a HESI exam to study for, typing homework to get caught up on, a microbiology test to study for, prelab assignments to write, chapters to pre read before class next week, anatomy terms for the heart to learn, a church talk for Ethan...IF he feels better on Sunday....have I mentioned that my house looks like a train wreck?
And yet, I will still keep to my goals and go work out tomorrow...with a little extra added time to compensate for the ice cream with ooey gooey goodness drizzled on top(don't forget the whipped cream and the cherry!), because the burn feels so incredibly good when I hit somewhere around mile 3 lol.

Oh lets not forget that I have music planning to do AND a musical bingo game to prepare....and....and...and

...I'm going to bed.

Ethan...how I love that kid!

When the kids got off the bus today our neighbors were splitting and stacking firewood. The kids had to pass their house to get home so they decided to stop and help for a bit. Nataly ended up smashing her finger, as Ethan reported to me as he came flying through the front door and headed straight for the snack cabinet. No hi mom, no hug, no kiss....nothin'. He grabbed a lonely pudding cup and proceeded to literally inhale it! Then as I was walking over to him to talk to him about his day, he ran past me and threw he jacket back on and was headed out the door...all I heard was "I'M-HEADED-BACK-TO-HELP-STACK-WOOD-BECAUSE-ITS-FUN-AND-I'M-A-GOOD-CITIZEN-BUT-MOSTLY-CUZ-HELPING-IS-FUN!" I don't think he even took more than two breathes from the time he walked in the door, ate, and then left again.
And keep in mind that all this literally took less than 2 minutes, and Nataly still hadn't even walked in the door yet!
I'm glad that he thinks helping is fun, especially when it comes to helping others. I learned later, over a leisurely dinner compared to snack time, that Ethan was awarded the citizenship award at school today! I had no idea or I would have been there to see him receive it(slacker schools!)
I must be doing something right!

PLEASE let this week take like 6 months to end!

Strange, yes I know. I want, in fact I NEED this week to be much longer than it already will be.
I have my HESI test on Saturday. Thats what the entrance exam for the nursing program is called. This will be my first attempt. I was able to sign up for one more testing day in February. Which is the maximum allowed :/ I have to pass the test with a cumulative percentage of 85 or higher in order to even be considered for the nursing program.
I've talked to quite a few people who have already taken the HESI and these were people that I had classes with...people who got straight A's while I struggled with B's and even a C in one class. Well, most of these people bombed the HESI, meaning they did not get the required 85%...so naturally I'm terrified. I'm freaking out.
So much hinges on this test for me. If I don't pass the HESI and get into the nursing program, I have to wait an entire YEAR before I can apply again. Don't worry, I have contingency plans, but none of them are actually that appealing.
English-I'm good there, this is the subject I own!
Chemisty-I've got a very good handle on it
Biology-.....I took biology the semester that I punched Cory...need I say more?
Anatomy-I'm a bit nervous, and don't think I have an especially good handle on this subject
Math- I really should be okay
Obviously its the Biology and Anatomy I am most worried about...and yes, I have been brushing up on it.
I'm eating well, I'm exercising(WOOT WOOT!!!), I'm kinda sorta sleeping. I don't have a problem falling asleep, I have trouble staying asleep. I wake up at odd times in the night stressing about this exam. I haven't dreamt about it yet, so its not made its way to my subconcious yet...that I remember anyways.
And I don't have to wait for my test results, I get them immediately following the test. AND I get a print out so that I can see what I need to work on before my second testing date.
You know what? I changed my mind, lets hope that this time next week comes quickly, so it will be over and I can either curl up in the dark closet with my disappointment or celebrate success.

I like getting sweaty

Its so satisfying, even when I'm out of breath and panting and working my way up a steep incline. I can reach up and swipe my brow or the back of my neck and it comes away sweaty....and i find that it gives me this little rush and I can keep going. I LOVE IT!!!I'm really loving these workouts. I love that I have a friend to do it with. I feel fantastic when I'm done, I feel accomplished. I see a difference in my moods and not surprisingly, a lift in this never-ending depression. Today I rode the bike at the gym for 4 miles!!! And yeah, I did have it programmed for hills lol. Then I worked my arms(which are still a little shaky) and then I did a mile-ish on the treadmill. I kinda pooped out at the end and my friend had to keep me going. But I did it and I'm going to keep doing it! Kinda bummed that I haven't lost any of this flub yet, I mean, I'm really busting my butt here! I think that Saturdays are going to be my Woodruff Road days, in which I will tackle some part of the big goal, be it on foot or bike.

I can promise you this: When I get ready to make the big goal journey you will be the first to know the date!

The challenge for the day

This morning I will be walking with my family to the first cattle guard and back(my home being my starting point). Its a big deal to me. Since I made the goal to bike the 11-ish mile round trip on the Woodruff Road I have only been able to workout at the gym and a little here at home. Its just been way too muddy and icy to attempt walking outdoors.
I'm nervous.
#1 my family will be walking with me and that means that if I decide to wimp out halfway through....well...they will either shame me to death or I will lose my status as super mom. Silly, maybe, but it matters to me what they think.
#2 This may only be a two mile trek, but its steep...seriously steep. and its the first leg that I will eventually tackle on my bicycle :/
#3 Since the kids will be going as well, that means sacrificing some of the workout to slow and help them climb/walk as well.
#4 all you motorists out there, you better be watching careful and obeying all posted speed limits or I'm gonna to skin you alive!
I really think that I'm making more of this than I need to. Its a workout, its a steep walk, I get to do it with my family....but I obsess, b/c I so badly want to be successful at this. It matters deeply to me.

***POST NOTE***
My 2-ish miles were 4.3 in actuality LOL! But I did it, and all went well. Ethan was the only one who went the whole way with Cory and I(besides the dog, whom Cory had to carry for a bit). I cannot wait to do it again, and then to ride it with my bike!

feeling guilty

I just ate 4 girl scout cookies...on top of a homemade bean burrito...I feel like a pig, and slightly sick...

Soul clean?

Why are my children so overly enthusiastic and helpful when we go to clean the church??
Why do they whine so much when we need to clean the house??

Goal check!

So I'm doing well. I have stuck to my workout schedule, which unfortunately hasn't included walking or biking any part of the road that my actual goal includes. Its been way too icy/muddy/foggy/cold. Hence the reason I'm going to the gym. And let me just say, HOLY SORE MUSCLES! I find something super satisfying about being sweaty when I'm all done. I also find satisfaction in having slightly sore muscles then next morning and I looooovve stretching them out lol, its slightly painful, but I know that I've accomplished something. I am up to walking a mile and a half. It still takes me about 30 minutes lol, but I'm good with that. I'm not setting time goals, just goals to actually get out there and do it.
Now to go get ready to get sweaty!!!

Can my mouth get any worse?!

Started back to classes today. First up was Anatomy. Its part two of a two semester class, so I really figured that I knew what to expect. Boy, was I wrong! For almost the entire first half of the semester we will hardly be using our Anatomy textbook, we will be using the textbook from Biology 181...grrrrr. It wasn't on our list of textbooks that were required or even optional.
I'm glad I still have one at my disposal(Eva, when/if you read this...I'm so sorry that I haven't returned it! I completely forgot I still had it until today when I needed it :/ ) It will be really good for me to have to review a bunch of the biology b/c I wasn't that great with it the first time and I know this stuff is bound to come up on the HESI exam! But How I loathe that book, it was so hard for me to understand it and to absorb it into my mind...perhaps it will be easier the second go round?
On a different note....my mouth has apparently struck again! This afternoon in microbiology we were taking a break and I went out to my car to grab some papers that I left inside and a lady from my class came up to me. Her name is Barb, she is significantly older than I am. She was in Anatomy with me last semester, is in the same anatomy class this semster and is also in my micro class. She says, You have got to tell me your first name! I really thought she knew it so I just chuckled and told her. And asked why.....She says, well I hope you don't get mad but a bunch of us didn't remember your name so we have just been calling you the F-bomb girl! I was pretty taken back and asked here when I dropped the bomb since I had no recollection. And she said I dropped it during our final exam for anatomy last semester and apparently everyone around me chuckled. eeeeeek! Now I remember, but I really thought that was a MENTAL muttering, not an OUTLOUD one. gahhhhhh.....will I ever get better??
Oh, she also told me that she didn't blame me one bit, b/c there was a few questions on that final that threw everyone for a loop lol, so I was probably vocalizing something that many people were thinking...I still don't feel much better about it!

HE"S HOME!!!

Cory left at 1:30 am New Years Day to go hunting. He was gone for 8-ish days and he is finally home! Empty handed, but home none the less :) YAHOOO!!!!!

And so it began

Day one of the lifestyle change. I walked a mile and a half on the treadmill...on varying inclines. Rode the stationary bike for 3 miles and worked with free weights to help combat the relief society arms. Good day! Tomorrow is a non heavy cardio day, so I will be sticking with yoga for strength and stretching. Its still too dang icy and cold out to attempt to take myself outside to do anything active. Yay me!

I'm feeling pretty down

I'm literally standing on the edge of the depression cliff, trying so hard not to jump or fall over the edge. Yes, I know just what is going on, and I know why. I'm not publicly admitting why though, so don't ask.
I know all the things I am supposed to do to combat this. I have done many of them. But the one person that I can talk to about this with full disclosure is not here. So I'm left working on this all by my lonesome.
I'm staying busy, and trying hard not to dwell. Most importantly I'm not in bed with the covers over my head or hiding in my dark closet sinking into an oblivion. I'm working hard to remember that I have 4 people here who depend on me for so many things. I can't wuss out on them.

I just have to keep going

2011 goals

The purpose for setting goals is to stretch ourselves and become better beings. That being said, I really need to set some goals, and while I want to....well, I don't want to. That means changing my mindset, and reworking somethings in my life, and it all seems so overwhelming. Never the less, I am setting the goals, putting them down in writing, err, type that is. And I'm going to post them where I will see them frequently. These are things that I desperately want to accomplish.



Personal-blog at least twice a week. I have begun to use my blog like a journal which another dear friend of mine does. I may not post everything that I write. I also need to get over the fact that my blog isn't all fancy like others that I follow.



Keep up with my morning meditation, I also want to start walking again and before the end of the year is up it is my goal to ride my bike to the turn off and back. (Thats 11 miles folks). *note to self:buy a fat lady seat for bike, my tush with appreciate it!*



Pass current spring semester classes. I anticipate the same level of performance as last semester, and while it would be fantastic to finish with 4 A's, I am a realist and am almost sure that I will never make an A in either microbiology or anatomy and physiology.



Take the HESI....I'm scheduled to take this January 29th. I have to pass with an outstanding score in order to be accepted to the nursing program...I'm nervous enough to puke just thinking about it!



Apply for the nursing program: The deadline is already on every calendar I could get my hands on. My references have been given the form to fill out. I just need to get the money together for the math test and for my official transcripts. Then I have a big mess to work out with the Board of Nursing....ugh, It will be nice to pass this goal off, the whole business gives me knots in my stomach!

Family goals

We are working on implementing a chore system! Mostly because I just don't have the time to deal with it all and go to school. We will also be implementing scheduled laundry days since I have to leave before the kids get on the bus, I need the person who's day it is to bring their laundry out and set it by the washer or if they are one of the big kids they can do it themselves. This one stems from last spring when I had my meltdown and started making changes so that will not happen again. Its been pretty loosely scheduled around here, but we are going to step it up a notch.

I'm already gearing up for a yard sale sometime after May when it will be warm. So everyone will be dejunking to the extreme whether they want to or not! <--I live with some major pack rats.

We need to have family home evening on a much more regular basis. I am actually working on a list/schedule for it right now.

Nataly has decided that she wants to be baptized and that will be taking place this October :) So we will all be working to get her ready for that. Its alot more work that assigning talks and buying a white dress ya know lol.

We will actually be talking about goals tonight in FHE and I want to encourage each of the kids to make some personal goals for themselves and we will post them and do progress checks.

I found a wonderful article about setting goals in the Jan. 2010 Ensign entitled The Best is Yet to Be and its great, you should read it.

2010 in Review

Finished 2 more semesters towards becoming an RN, is now a CNA, went to Alaska reconnected with some very close friends, lost Nanna(but I'll see her again someday ♥), gave up working/volunteering at the Woodruff library(mixed feelings over this one, but my family and sanity have to come first), went from brunette, to blonde, to screaming dark red, conquered some self-limiting beliefs, guided over 20 primary children in music and taught many many new songs, learned more about how and when to say NO when I feel overwhelmed, Celebrated 12 years of marriage, 13 years home from CCM, 12 years since I was baptized, learned how to serve overhand in volleyball(I still need some work lol), I spent another wonderful year growing and learning and loving with my family. I wouldn't trade these guys for anything!

Its the day to day things that matter more than anything, we spent our last day of the year in snowball fights, sledding, drinking cocoa and playing games together. THATS what family is all about ♥