Do ya like it hot?

Its going to be a long week I have a feeling. We spent all week nursing Ethan, who had temps close to 104. And tonight Rylee started in with a fever currently 102.8. Don't come to my house. Wear a hazzard suit if you feel you must stop by. And please pray that neither Cory or I get this bug since there is nobody to take care of us lol.

♫♪Running on Empty...♫♪

I have gobs of homework staring me down and screaming my name for attention!! Yet, I decided....welll, in all honesty it was Cory's idea, and I just expanded it a little bit.
See, Ethan has been home sick for most of the week, and tonight was Family Math Night at the youngers elementary school. There is no way I was taking Ethan out and exposing countless others to his sicko germs, NOR did I want to take Nataly on her own and have to make yet another trip into town as soon as I got home from school. So Cory(who hates FMN with a vengence BTW) came up with the suggestion that we have a family movie night since we got some new movies for Christmas that the kids and I have seen countless times now and he has not. I ran it by Nataly this morning, just to make sure her world wasn't going to crash if we didn't do FMN, and she was ecstatic(inward sigh of relief, I just can't handle little girl drama before 8 am lol).
Here's where my part comes in, I have been really craving ice cream, yet hadn't wanted to splurge on the purchase...I decided that movie night would be oodles more fun with ice cream! So I bought various fixin's for sundaes and WHALA!! We had a great time despite the fact that Ethan started to spike another fever.
Some things are just more important than homework sometimes...DON'T let my teachers hear that!
And now that the movie is over, I have a HESI exam to study for, typing homework to get caught up on, a microbiology test to study for, prelab assignments to write, chapters to pre read before class next week, anatomy terms for the heart to learn, a church talk for Ethan...IF he feels better on Sunday....have I mentioned that my house looks like a train wreck?
And yet, I will still keep to my goals and go work out tomorrow...with a little extra added time to compensate for the ice cream with ooey gooey goodness drizzled on top(don't forget the whipped cream and the cherry!), because the burn feels so incredibly good when I hit somewhere around mile 3 lol.

Oh lets not forget that I have music planning to do AND a musical bingo game to prepare....and....and...and

...I'm going to bed.

Ethan...how I love that kid!

When the kids got off the bus today our neighbors were splitting and stacking firewood. The kids had to pass their house to get home so they decided to stop and help for a bit. Nataly ended up smashing her finger, as Ethan reported to me as he came flying through the front door and headed straight for the snack cabinet. No hi mom, no hug, no kiss....nothin'. He grabbed a lonely pudding cup and proceeded to literally inhale it! Then as I was walking over to him to talk to him about his day, he ran past me and threw he jacket back on and was headed out the door...all I heard was "I'M-HEADED-BACK-TO-HELP-STACK-WOOD-BECAUSE-ITS-FUN-AND-I'M-A-GOOD-CITIZEN-BUT-MOSTLY-CUZ-HELPING-IS-FUN!" I don't think he even took more than two breathes from the time he walked in the door, ate, and then left again.
And keep in mind that all this literally took less than 2 minutes, and Nataly still hadn't even walked in the door yet!
I'm glad that he thinks helping is fun, especially when it comes to helping others. I learned later, over a leisurely dinner compared to snack time, that Ethan was awarded the citizenship award at school today! I had no idea or I would have been there to see him receive it(slacker schools!)
I must be doing something right!

PLEASE let this week take like 6 months to end!

Strange, yes I know. I want, in fact I NEED this week to be much longer than it already will be.
I have my HESI test on Saturday. Thats what the entrance exam for the nursing program is called. This will be my first attempt. I was able to sign up for one more testing day in February. Which is the maximum allowed :/ I have to pass the test with a cumulative percentage of 85 or higher in order to even be considered for the nursing program.
I've talked to quite a few people who have already taken the HESI and these were people that I had classes with...people who got straight A's while I struggled with B's and even a C in one class. Well, most of these people bombed the HESI, meaning they did not get the required 85%...so naturally I'm terrified. I'm freaking out.
So much hinges on this test for me. If I don't pass the HESI and get into the nursing program, I have to wait an entire YEAR before I can apply again. Don't worry, I have contingency plans, but none of them are actually that appealing.
English-I'm good there, this is the subject I own!
Chemisty-I've got a very good handle on it
Biology-.....I took biology the semester that I punched Cory...need I say more?
Anatomy-I'm a bit nervous, and don't think I have an especially good handle on this subject
Math- I really should be okay
Obviously its the Biology and Anatomy I am most worried about...and yes, I have been brushing up on it.
I'm eating well, I'm exercising(WOOT WOOT!!!), I'm kinda sorta sleeping. I don't have a problem falling asleep, I have trouble staying asleep. I wake up at odd times in the night stressing about this exam. I haven't dreamt about it yet, so its not made its way to my subconcious yet...that I remember anyways.
And I don't have to wait for my test results, I get them immediately following the test. AND I get a print out so that I can see what I need to work on before my second testing date.
You know what? I changed my mind, lets hope that this time next week comes quickly, so it will be over and I can either curl up in the dark closet with my disappointment or celebrate success.

I like getting sweaty

Its so satisfying, even when I'm out of breath and panting and working my way up a steep incline. I can reach up and swipe my brow or the back of my neck and it comes away sweaty....and i find that it gives me this little rush and I can keep going. I LOVE IT!!!I'm really loving these workouts. I love that I have a friend to do it with. I feel fantastic when I'm done, I feel accomplished. I see a difference in my moods and not surprisingly, a lift in this never-ending depression. Today I rode the bike at the gym for 4 miles!!! And yeah, I did have it programmed for hills lol. Then I worked my arms(which are still a little shaky) and then I did a mile-ish on the treadmill. I kinda pooped out at the end and my friend had to keep me going. But I did it and I'm going to keep doing it! Kinda bummed that I haven't lost any of this flub yet, I mean, I'm really busting my butt here! I think that Saturdays are going to be my Woodruff Road days, in which I will tackle some part of the big goal, be it on foot or bike.

I can promise you this: When I get ready to make the big goal journey you will be the first to know the date!

The challenge for the day

This morning I will be walking with my family to the first cattle guard and back(my home being my starting point). Its a big deal to me. Since I made the goal to bike the 11-ish mile round trip on the Woodruff Road I have only been able to workout at the gym and a little here at home. Its just been way too muddy and icy to attempt walking outdoors.
I'm nervous.
#1 my family will be walking with me and that means that if I decide to wimp out halfway through....well...they will either shame me to death or I will lose my status as super mom. Silly, maybe, but it matters to me what they think.
#2 This may only be a two mile trek, but its steep...seriously steep. and its the first leg that I will eventually tackle on my bicycle :/
#3 Since the kids will be going as well, that means sacrificing some of the workout to slow and help them climb/walk as well.
#4 all you motorists out there, you better be watching careful and obeying all posted speed limits or I'm gonna to skin you alive!
I really think that I'm making more of this than I need to. Its a workout, its a steep walk, I get to do it with my family....but I obsess, b/c I so badly want to be successful at this. It matters deeply to me.

***POST NOTE***
My 2-ish miles were 4.3 in actuality LOL! But I did it, and all went well. Ethan was the only one who went the whole way with Cory and I(besides the dog, whom Cory had to carry for a bit). I cannot wait to do it again, and then to ride it with my bike!

feeling guilty

I just ate 4 girl scout cookies...on top of a homemade bean burrito...I feel like a pig, and slightly sick...

Soul clean?

Why are my children so overly enthusiastic and helpful when we go to clean the church??
Why do they whine so much when we need to clean the house??

Goal check!

So I'm doing well. I have stuck to my workout schedule, which unfortunately hasn't included walking or biking any part of the road that my actual goal includes. Its been way too icy/muddy/foggy/cold. Hence the reason I'm going to the gym. And let me just say, HOLY SORE MUSCLES! I find something super satisfying about being sweaty when I'm all done. I also find satisfaction in having slightly sore muscles then next morning and I looooovve stretching them out lol, its slightly painful, but I know that I've accomplished something. I am up to walking a mile and a half. It still takes me about 30 minutes lol, but I'm good with that. I'm not setting time goals, just goals to actually get out there and do it.
Now to go get ready to get sweaty!!!

Can my mouth get any worse?!

Started back to classes today. First up was Anatomy. Its part two of a two semester class, so I really figured that I knew what to expect. Boy, was I wrong! For almost the entire first half of the semester we will hardly be using our Anatomy textbook, we will be using the textbook from Biology 181...grrrrr. It wasn't on our list of textbooks that were required or even optional.
I'm glad I still have one at my disposal(Eva, when/if you read this...I'm so sorry that I haven't returned it! I completely forgot I still had it until today when I needed it :/ ) It will be really good for me to have to review a bunch of the biology b/c I wasn't that great with it the first time and I know this stuff is bound to come up on the HESI exam! But How I loathe that book, it was so hard for me to understand it and to absorb it into my mind...perhaps it will be easier the second go round?
On a different note....my mouth has apparently struck again! This afternoon in microbiology we were taking a break and I went out to my car to grab some papers that I left inside and a lady from my class came up to me. Her name is Barb, she is significantly older than I am. She was in Anatomy with me last semester, is in the same anatomy class this semster and is also in my micro class. She says, You have got to tell me your first name! I really thought she knew it so I just chuckled and told her. And asked why.....She says, well I hope you don't get mad but a bunch of us didn't remember your name so we have just been calling you the F-bomb girl! I was pretty taken back and asked here when I dropped the bomb since I had no recollection. And she said I dropped it during our final exam for anatomy last semester and apparently everyone around me chuckled. eeeeeek! Now I remember, but I really thought that was a MENTAL muttering, not an OUTLOUD one. gahhhhhh.....will I ever get better??
Oh, she also told me that she didn't blame me one bit, b/c there was a few questions on that final that threw everyone for a loop lol, so I was probably vocalizing something that many people were thinking...I still don't feel much better about it!

HE"S HOME!!!

Cory left at 1:30 am New Years Day to go hunting. He was gone for 8-ish days and he is finally home! Empty handed, but home none the less :) YAHOOO!!!!!

And so it began

Day one of the lifestyle change. I walked a mile and a half on the treadmill...on varying inclines. Rode the stationary bike for 3 miles and worked with free weights to help combat the relief society arms. Good day! Tomorrow is a non heavy cardio day, so I will be sticking with yoga for strength and stretching. Its still too dang icy and cold out to attempt to take myself outside to do anything active. Yay me!

I'm feeling pretty down

I'm literally standing on the edge of the depression cliff, trying so hard not to jump or fall over the edge. Yes, I know just what is going on, and I know why. I'm not publicly admitting why though, so don't ask.
I know all the things I am supposed to do to combat this. I have done many of them. But the one person that I can talk to about this with full disclosure is not here. So I'm left working on this all by my lonesome.
I'm staying busy, and trying hard not to dwell. Most importantly I'm not in bed with the covers over my head or hiding in my dark closet sinking into an oblivion. I'm working hard to remember that I have 4 people here who depend on me for so many things. I can't wuss out on them.

I just have to keep going

2011 goals

The purpose for setting goals is to stretch ourselves and become better beings. That being said, I really need to set some goals, and while I want to....well, I don't want to. That means changing my mindset, and reworking somethings in my life, and it all seems so overwhelming. Never the less, I am setting the goals, putting them down in writing, err, type that is. And I'm going to post them where I will see them frequently. These are things that I desperately want to accomplish.



Personal-blog at least twice a week. I have begun to use my blog like a journal which another dear friend of mine does. I may not post everything that I write. I also need to get over the fact that my blog isn't all fancy like others that I follow.



Keep up with my morning meditation, I also want to start walking again and before the end of the year is up it is my goal to ride my bike to the turn off and back. (Thats 11 miles folks). *note to self:buy a fat lady seat for bike, my tush with appreciate it!*



Pass current spring semester classes. I anticipate the same level of performance as last semester, and while it would be fantastic to finish with 4 A's, I am a realist and am almost sure that I will never make an A in either microbiology or anatomy and physiology.



Take the HESI....I'm scheduled to take this January 29th. I have to pass with an outstanding score in order to be accepted to the nursing program...I'm nervous enough to puke just thinking about it!



Apply for the nursing program: The deadline is already on every calendar I could get my hands on. My references have been given the form to fill out. I just need to get the money together for the math test and for my official transcripts. Then I have a big mess to work out with the Board of Nursing....ugh, It will be nice to pass this goal off, the whole business gives me knots in my stomach!

Family goals

We are working on implementing a chore system! Mostly because I just don't have the time to deal with it all and go to school. We will also be implementing scheduled laundry days since I have to leave before the kids get on the bus, I need the person who's day it is to bring their laundry out and set it by the washer or if they are one of the big kids they can do it themselves. This one stems from last spring when I had my meltdown and started making changes so that will not happen again. Its been pretty loosely scheduled around here, but we are going to step it up a notch.

I'm already gearing up for a yard sale sometime after May when it will be warm. So everyone will be dejunking to the extreme whether they want to or not! <--I live with some major pack rats.

We need to have family home evening on a much more regular basis. I am actually working on a list/schedule for it right now.

Nataly has decided that she wants to be baptized and that will be taking place this October :) So we will all be working to get her ready for that. Its alot more work that assigning talks and buying a white dress ya know lol.

We will actually be talking about goals tonight in FHE and I want to encourage each of the kids to make some personal goals for themselves and we will post them and do progress checks.

I found a wonderful article about setting goals in the Jan. 2010 Ensign entitled The Best is Yet to Be and its great, you should read it.

2010 in Review

Finished 2 more semesters towards becoming an RN, is now a CNA, went to Alaska reconnected with some very close friends, lost Nanna(but I'll see her again someday ♥), gave up working/volunteering at the Woodruff library(mixed feelings over this one, but my family and sanity have to come first), went from brunette, to blonde, to screaming dark red, conquered some self-limiting beliefs, guided over 20 primary children in music and taught many many new songs, learned more about how and when to say NO when I feel overwhelmed, Celebrated 12 years of marriage, 13 years home from CCM, 12 years since I was baptized, learned how to serve overhand in volleyball(I still need some work lol), I spent another wonderful year growing and learning and loving with my family. I wouldn't trade these guys for anything!

Its the day to day things that matter more than anything, we spent our last day of the year in snowball fights, sledding, drinking cocoa and playing games together. THATS what family is all about ♥