17 March 2010

Not a meltdown but an EXPLOSION

These last two weeks have been harder on me than almost any time in my life. The life overload reached it peak and rather than being able to cope and MAKE the time to chill and refigure some things....I literally exploded. At the people I love most. It was horrible. I can't go back and change it. There will and have already been consequences. Some of those consequences seriously terrify me. I may lose everything I have been working towards. I am not in control of what will happen next. I lost my faith for a brief period, but it seemed agonizingly long to me. I have learned from this whole ordeal. I will continue to learn. I have made changes that were a long time coming. I have asked for help, and honestly thats probably the hardest part of the whole situation...asking for help and having to admit out loud that I can't do it all on my own is a killer for me. More changes will be coming. All I can do is go forward with a determined purpose and frame of mind to make it better and not repeat the same mistakes. I have people who love me and are willing to help. I have my faith too.