Tuesday's True Confession: I want to be mad...

AT MY MOTHER!!! She gave Emily a tie dye kit for Christmas. I was going to get her one until my mom told me she had already ordered it and that she thought it was better than the one I was looking at.
Let me tell ya...It wasn't. The scarf that the kit came with was our first project(and maybe our last too). While the scarf came out beautifully, my hands and Emily's face, neck and fingers are horribly stained.
So why would I go so far as to say that the one I wanted to get was better?! Welllllll....The kit that I wanted to order had a special tube that you put the item to be dyed in, and holes to squeeze the dye into, but all the dye would have stayed contained in the...er...container. My kitchen was covered in dye despite the plastic we put down to cover the surfaces.
I tried so hard to let Emily do this with minimal help from me, after all she is 9....but after she squirted dye all over herself, the floor, ceiling, counter sink AND me...
I got mad, I yelled, I cursed my mother inside my head. Thankfully, it washed out of everything except our skin...I never never want to do that again! although I probably will, b/c it brings great joy to my child...and next time I will be better prepared and we will do it OUTSIDE...and maybe I will borrow toxic hazard suits from someone :P

Its officially the end!

The end of the fall semester that is! I have survived my third semester in college! Only 5 more to go lol. I was waiting on pins and needles for my last grade to be posted. I am beyond thrilled to say that I got the grades that I wanted and needed to continue according to my time table WOOT WOOT! I ended up with two A's and two B's this semster. Not shabby, not shabby at all :) NOW Christmas break can commence, I have NOTHING left to stress over school wise at least!

Tuesday's True Confession: I'm a control freak...

I am one of 'those' people. You know, one of those people who sit back and watch a show/program/presentation, heck even with some of my teachers lessons, and I think "I could do this better"...granted very rarely do I ever voice this out loud....except to Cory, and yet, he still loves me.
When changes are implemented in something that I am involved in do I go with the flow? NOPE, I buck the new system and I grumble...usually out loud...and I think I pretty much make everyone miserable until at some point I conform and fall in line.
With that said, let me add that if the change is MY idea, well then its practically perfect in every way!
There was a big change presented to me today that will I suppose be taking place in our primary, and every other primary in the world. My first reaction? UGH, do they realize how much extra work this creates for me! I don't like it! Its dumb, grrrrrrr.
And then a little saying popped into my head "change is certain, growth is optional"....damn. This is a perfect opportunity for me to let go of the control and sit back and go with the flow...and man is it going to be a challenge!
I have even worked out a script in my head of what I will (politely!) say if my input is sought...it took me almost an hour to make is polite and non offending to anyone....I still don't see exactly HOW this change makes anything better or easier, but that aside, someone MUCH higher than me knows that this is a change that needed to be made...for reasons unknown to me. I didn't even vent this to Cory yet, so I wonder what he will think when he hears of the changes and sees how I react...hopefully out of character :D
On a totally unrelated topic...I wonder if I could go a whole post without using...

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown!

Tonight was our towns 'Parade of Lights'. Cory's squad represented NCSO. There float was small but amazing! My kids were asked to ride on the float and dress 'in character'. The theme of this years parade was A Charlie Brown Christmas. I don't have pictures of the kids on the float yet, but I do have this one that I took at the house before we headed in,

The costumes may be a bit ghetto, but thats what you get when you ask the ONE person who doesn't work well with a sewing machine to make theme costumes...

I got to ride behind the float in the tahoe with Cory. We decked it out in lights and had all the red and blue code lights running, It looked great!!! It was a beautiful night too, which made it all the more fun, 55 degrees, so we didn't have to be bundled and have the heater cranked up on high, the kids didn't feel cold on the float either, which is always a plus!

Riding in the parade has one big advantage and that is that I get to hear the comments from people as we slow roll by them. I heard many comments on how cute the kids were all dressed up in their costumes and how awesome the Sheriff's vehicle looked with all the lights on it. Of course there were tons and tons of people that we knew, my hand actually got tired from all the waving! And everyone thinks its cool to see someone they know in the parade. But my heart glows with pride when I heard many people say "Thats Deputy Knights wife in there with him" or "There's Amanda, she is married to a Deputy" Yup, I sure am! And I love him so much it surprises even me sometimes. My mom and my sister and her little family came over for the parade and little Marion was sitting quiet as could be watching the parade and out of no where she busts out with "THERE'S UNCLE CORY!!" And we heard her too, it was cute as heck!

The kids all had a blast being IN the parade instead of WATCHING it, in fact they told me that they like it better this way lol...I see many more parade rides in our future :)

I don't even know if the NCSO float won a prize or not, and to me it doesn't really matter, we had fun, and that IS what matters.

...I have a dog...

Yup, we have a dog...we have had him for a little less than half the year....its a male...and getting him was more of a rescue situation than anything. So I have had to house train a 5 year old dog...and everytime I think we have mastered it and we do good for about a solid month...I find out we are practically starting over! Tonight, I walked into the playroom where I have a rather messy pile of blankets...they were folded just a few days ago, but I guess with the trampoline out of commision the blankets had to stand in. well, I went to get something out of the freezer....AND IT REEKS OF DOG PEE IN THERE!!!! grrrrrrrr.....momma ain't happy....and momma ain't cleaning it up. Cory wanted the dog, Cory can clean up after the mutt....and the dog can sleep on the chain, he has a fur coat, he will be warm enough.

MIA?

I'm here, I really am alive....I'm just consumed with studying for my 3 finals next week and finishing up last minute homework that sadistic teachers handout in the last week of school. I actually admitted that I have no self control and had Cory lock me out of my FB account. Oh, how I miss talking to many of my friends. School work has got to come first though, and my fingers have a sneaky habit of typing www.facebook.com when they are supposed to be typing a paper or looking for homework helps on youtube and what not. The facebook moratorium is paying off though. I got a B on a recent test...up from a very low C on the last one...I aced a big chemistry project, Aced an Anatomy quiz and have put in hours and hours of textbook reading time.
I have also found peace in doing little Christmas traditions with my children each day and night. So this little space of time is completely showing me that I need to learn some self control, and manage my time more efficiently.
Cory has been a blessing beyond measure...as I spend almost 5 days a week in Show Low gearing up for my anatomy tests. This class is time intensive!
On a totally unrelated topic, I'm getting fed up with the other co leader of Emily's girl scout troop and I'm thinking that I may tell her to find someone else to co lead with her...I just don't want to do it anymore! But its something that Emily and I can do together, and until she decides that she doesn't want to do it anymore, I'm going to support her in it wholeheartedly.

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

To me there is nothing more stunning than a decorated Christmas tree. I have fond childhood memories of many Christmas trees. My absolute favorite part of the Christmas tree is sitting in front of it with all other lights turned off and I squint my eyes while looking at the lights...don't ask me why, I just love the way it looks! Tonight we decorated our tree. As I unwrapped each ornament my children exclaimed over many of them. "I remember making this one!" "Were my hands really so small?!" "Grandma Knight was a great painter!" "This one is funny!"

After decorating, we sat around with cups of cocoa topped with whipped cream and crushed candy canes. We are reading a scripture a day pertaining to the Christmas story. Its all bound together on a ring and hangs on our tree. I got it from a previous Relief Society presidency as a gift years ago. We read a story called The Last Straw, and reminded ourselves that the true meaning of Christmas is about love and service. Our story book has a different story for every day in December leading up to Christmas. It also includes a song per day. Tonight was O Little Town of Bethlehem. My kids know the first verse, but I sang the rest for them. We glued a cotton ball on our santa beard advent calendar, a loop was cut from the chain counting down the days until Christmas....all is well.

I wonder if I can maintain focus if I sit in front of the tree and study....hmmmm

Gluttony

I have gobbled, and I am wobbling...I think big changes are in store for me after this Thanksgiving gluttony. It wasn't only the amount of yummy food that I ate, but the fact that being on my feet for that long caused me such pain in my back, feet, hips...which wouldn't be the case if I wasn't so....overweight, fat, chunky, whatever ya want to say...Stay tuned for the changes in store! They have been a long time in coming.

Feed Me Friday!...a little early :D

I'm taking a mind numbing break from life...meaning, I'm zoning in front of the computer, on fb and a myriad of other pages....don't hate, we all need a little mind numbing time!

With Thanksgiving coming up I thought I would put out a few of my favorites, things that have come from one place or another. I'm picky about certain things when it comes to certain foods. I don't like pie crust on pumpkin pie...and this is a recipe that we have used in my family for many many years

Impossible pumpkin pie

1 large can of pumpkin(NOT pie mix! just plain pumpkin...and I mean the LARGE can)
2 cans evaporated milk
4 eggs
4 Tbs butter-soft
5 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1 1/2 cups sugar
4 tsp. vanilla
1 cup bisquick

combine all ingredients and mix until well blended...a kitchen aid or a blender will work just fine!
This batter will be runny! Slightly runnier than a cake mix. Bake at 350 until knife inserted in the center comes out clean. It takes round about an hour. But don't quote me on that! Keep an eye on your pies! Also, this recipe makes three pies, in 8 inch pie plates :D

This next recipe came to me from my mom who got it from her mom who got it from her sister who got it from....somewhere! All credit goes to Auntie Cill as far as I know! Its time consuming, but for those of us who aren't particularly fond of cranberry sauce on our turkey day table, this is a fabulous substitute. I have actually had requests for this for funeral luncheons!
****DO NOT MAKE THIS IN A METAL PAN UNLESS YOU LINE IT WITH CLEAR PLASTIC WRAP FIRST! GLASS OR PLASTIC IS BEST!****
Cranberry/Raspberry Jello

Bottom Layer:
1 pack Regular(or 2 sugar free) raspberry jello box(s)
1 1/2 cups boiling water
20 ounces frozen raspberries
1 tsp. lemon juice
Combine and stir until dissolved pour into 9x13 pan and refridgerate overnight

*spread one pint of sour cream on top of this layer and put back in fridge for at least 3 hours uncovered

Top layer:
1 pack regular(or 2 sugar free) cherry jello box(s)
1 cup boiling water
1 tsp lemon juice
1 can crushed pineapple-drain well
1 can jellied cranberry sauce <-- mush it all up very well
Combine and stir to dissovle. Pour on top of sour cream layer. refridgerate overnight. ENJOY!

My heart belongs to them!

This pic was taken just a few days after I had my hysterectomy. Cory had only been home from the academy for a week when I had surgery...the kids were still so clingy with him...I mean he had been gone for 5 months, minus weekends. They basically only had Saturdays with him for that whole time. I was laying down and I could here shouts of joy and giggling coming from outside, so I oh so carefully made my way from the bed to the back door and had to rush as fast as my body would let me to grab the camera and then it took me forever to make my way out back to take this picture.

I love that my husband will get down and dirty with the kids and that he takes such an interest in them and gets excited about doing things with them.

Tuesday's True Confession: I don't know when to shut my mouth!

This is a running theme for me lately! Well, probably my whole life if the true confession by told. Lately though, I feel a bit rebelious and stifled, so when opportunity has presented itself, I've let loose, no holds barred and told it just like it ran through my mind.
The only bad thing about this is that my mind isn't one of those that instantly thinks the best about someone or a situation. I could say that I'm a cynic in many cases. In my scary, dark youth, I was known quite well for "mouthing" off to teachers and other adults in a position of authority. My reasons then were that nobody was ever going to dictate to me what I would do or how I would do it. I would be what I wanted, when I wanted, and if you didn't like it, that just made you the enemy.
I made a very crass comment to someone on a Facebook page. Someone who tried to stifle my opinion about something. On a page that is an interest group for the area that I live in no less! So not only did this person see it and react to it, so did a ton of other people, some that I don't know at all(which is mostly okay with me) and some that I know well(yikes) and some that I kinda-sorta-maybe know a little(oh jeez!). So I planted a first impression, and a lasting impression. And I don't think that it was a particularly good one. I also said it under the assumption that this person was the one who moderated the page...and then later found out that it isn't that person, but someone that I kinda-sorta know, and someone that I respect. Ouch.
Even going to high school here in Holbrook for just over a year, I quickly became known as somebody who spoke what she felt/thought, even when it wasn't said in the most tactful way possible.
My parents tried very hard to make me understand the importance of 'engaging my brain, before my mouth' ...they even went so far as to explain to me that I could tell the Queen of England to go to hell, in a tactful manner while still getting the point across...boy, do I have a long way to go. I know what ettiquette is. I know what manners are. I have worked pretty hard to get these things into my childrens minds, and I see evidence that they know and understand and USE these concepts.
But then I do something that I just know they can't ignore and while I feel a bit proud of my mouthy ways sometimes, I also know that if they see that I do it, they will think that they can too. Like when I got mouthy with the nurses aid at the elementary school and pretty much told her blow it out her hole, and that I have more medical training than she does, and I damn well know when my kid is sick or just faking...oiyyyyyy...not a good teaching moment for my 7 year old who was standing next to me.
Why do I feel so stifled and restricted lately? I find myself pushing every boundary I run up against...what am I rebeling against???
I don't have an instant solution for this, I did apologize to the facebook page moderator. It was the right thing to do, and it was a big plate of crow to eat, but I was going crazy knowing that I said what I did, in a round about way, and disrespected someone that I actually really really respect. The person actually told me that they found the whole thing amusing, and that it made me a bigger person to apologize(which made me actually feel smaller b/c yeah, thats how I roll...guilt is my companion) and not to worry about it.
Definitely have some deep thinking to do on this one....and if I mouth off to you, well...at the very least point out to me just how rude and tactless I am and we will take it from there.

I can't even be properly thankful!

I don't think I have mentioned enough how fabulously wonderful my husband is. Even if my every sentence started with that fact, it wouldn't be enough!!
We both work hard to make this marriage work, and oh my heavens he still gives me butterflies in my stomach at times!
So, today, I go down to his dads house to help move 1 ton pallets of pellets There were 11 of them outside, and we moved a total of 6 into the shed area. I was glad to help him and do that for my father in law, since 1/3 of the pellets are ours anyways. However, I knew before we had finished that I had pulled a muscle in my back...not good!
So we get home, eat some lunch, and I ask just how much he will hate me if I lay down with my wheat heat.
Of course, he says, not at all, go for it. There wasn't enough time before he had to check on for him to take a nap too....SOOOOO he sat down and started folding a load of the kids clothes!
WHY did I feel sooo guilty? I told him that it made me feel guilty for him to have to fold it, and he shoots me that look and says, so you get mad if I DON"T help out AND when i DO help you feel guilty....ahhh hell, he has a point.....something to work on I believe!
I still took a nap, but only after I ascertained for myself that he was doing it out of kindness and because he had the time, and not because he was mad at me for not doing it in the first place!

Tuesday's True Confession: I put a man in jail

Yes, I did. I'm responsible for a man spending a night in jail. Even though this man did something wrong, and then made it worse for himself, I'm slightly troubled by this.

See, I was taking my children Trick or Treating Saturday night with a HUGE and I mean HUGE group of family members. And this man ran into me with his 4 wheeler. He hit me on the left hip, and it very easily could have been my 4 year old that he hit instead of me! She had been holding my left hand and before we crossed the road I switched her to the other side. No particular reason, I just did. There were no moving vehicles in either direction before we crossed, and I even saw the 4 wheeler with driver astride on the other shoulder of the road. He was stopped and talking to one of my cousins and her friend. So I didn't jump out in front of him or anything like that. To make matters worse, I don't even think the guy realized he had hit me and he kept driving...and then when questioned by Navajo County's finest he tried to flee...thus making it worse for himself.

I know that this particular man has some mental and emotional challenges. I also know that this man seriously dislikes law enforcement officers. And not only did he get a free ride in the back of a cruiser, he spent a night and most of a day in the slammer which I'm sure was not a pleasant experience for him...in fact I bet it was pretty scary....

Don't get me wrong, I'm very much beyond mad at the situation and the person. But I have some empathy for what he most likely went through because of it.

I'm sure he almost as upset with me as I am with him, and I'm okay with that. I sure as heck wish he would have been much more responsible and heeded the many warnings he has been given about that dang 4 wheeler and driving with no license....in fact the reason my cousin and her friend were next to him is that they were giving him a good lashing for running the friend into the ditch and almost hitting him, due to the fact that the driver of the 4 wheeler did not have his headlights on!

I am blessed that I got out of the situation with only an extremely ugly and tender bruise on my hip...and some lasting anxiety over the whole situation...WHAT IF Rylee had still been on that side...her head barely comes above the spot that I was hit on, it would have been much more serious!

There is a pretrial hearing tomorrow, and I don't even know if I'm supposed to go or not, but I am. There has to be consequences when a person breaks the law, and puts other people in danger.

So while I want justice, I pray for mercy, in a way, at the same time.

He always knows just what I need.

Sunday morning....well, I really didn't want to go to church due to a situation that happened on Saturday night while trick or treating. Without going into detail, I will just say, that I was terrified that I would be lynched or viewed as the most horrible woman in town. But I went, and sitting in sacrament meeting, the same old doubts and feelings of despair consumed me. I currently teach/lead the music in primary. Its a VERY HIGH ENERGY calling...therefore, draining.
I'm walking, well, more like trudging and dragging my feet, down the hall to the primary room. I can hear my accompainist playing the prelude music and the closer I get to the door, the clearer I can hear one small voice singing right along with the prelude music. Quite honestly I figured it was one of my 4 children, and only because we sing quite a bit at home, not because my kids are better than someone else's, we just sing these songs alot more than most people that I know.
To my utter shock and surprise it was not one of my children, but a young boy, who is probably one of the biggest challenges to our whole primary! He is sweet(when he wants to be), and smart, and has a super small attention span. We all work with or around him the best we can. And when we can't we grab one of his parents to intervene.
He was sitting in this room full of people just singing away. He wasn't doing it to be distruptive, he was probably the most reverent child in the room.
The song he was singing happens to be one of the very first songs that I taught the primary when I was called to the position.
The pianist merged to another song and he sang that one too, in the same sweet voice, sitting just as non wiggly as a boy his age could possibly be.
I couldn't help it, my heart overflowed and leaked out my eyes. I saw that little challenge of a child as our Heavenly Father sees him.
Every. SINGLE. Time. that I think that I hate this calling and dread going through the whole hullabaloo again, something like this happens.
I know that Heavenly Father is just showing me that I am making a difference, and that I'm right where I need to be for now. It also helped that when our bishopric was reorganized on Sunday one of the new members who had previously been a primary teacher said that singing time was his most favorite part of primary♥♥

Tuesday's True Confession: I just don't feel like blogging

Yup, I absolutely don't feel like putting my feelings down in typed out words. I've got nothing 'cute' or 'catchy' or even 'interesting' to blog about...so I'm just not....or maybeeeee its because I have let myself get into a funk and I'm just not ready to work myself out of it...or or how 'bout this one- I'm so physically and mentally exhausted I have little to no creativity left to sit down and write!

Well, whatever it is, I'm just not feelin' it right now in the blogoshpere. I have chemistry and anatomy homework to battle through.

I'll be back though, perhaps tomorrow, next week or so, but just not today :)
I really only know of one person who actively reads this stuff anyways lol.

Tuesday's True Confession: I'm in love...

...with my Deputy! Yup, its my anniversary AND its a Tuesday so in the name of all thats corny and silly, I confess my love for this man I have been with for a solid DOZEN years ♥ And just one more bit of corny-ness



D-dedicated to family, and the law

E-eternal companion! SCORE ONE FOR ME!!!

P-purrrty dang HOT!

U-UNIQUE! <-- It has an 'inside' story kinda meaning :)

T-tall, tender(yikes! he might not like that lol),

Y-you know what? He belongs to ME!!!

Feed Me Friday: Company's Coming Mac & Cheese

This is an old standby that I actually haven't made in quite awhile. However, it's a warm satifying meal either on its own or as a side dish.

14 ounces dry Macaroni
6 Tablespoons Butter -divided
3 Tablespoons Flour
2 Cups milk
1 8 ounce package of cream cheese-cubed
2 Tsp. spicy brown mustard
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
3/4 cup dry bread crumbs-italian

Preheat oven to 400 degrees
Cook Macaroni, meanwhile melt 4 Tbsp butter, stirr in flour till smooth, add milk slowly-bring to a boil. cook 2 minutes. Reduce heat and add next five ingredients. Stir until smooth add to drained macaroni mix to combine. Dump into a greased 9x13 pan melt remaining butter and combine with bread crumbs. Sprinkle over the top of the casserole Bake for 15-20 minutes

As a bonus I'm throwing out a recipe I use for a warm drink...We call it Russian Tea, don't know where the name came from , but this stuff is a great pick me up with the cooler morning weather and helps deal with the sniffles. Keep in mind that you can use Regular instant Nestea, I use decaf, because as anyone who knows me well will tell you...caffeine really does make me bounce off the walls!

1/2 cup instant Decaf Nestea
2 cups Tang
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

combine well! I use two heaping spoonfuls in a coffee cup of boiling water. I also store this in an airtight container.

Tuesdays True Confession: READ ME A BOOK!

I'm a book hound. Born, bred, and there is little I haven't read! I know that I have mentioned that I have trouble going to sleep unless I read....well....my bathroom is like a library unto itself lol. There is just as much reading material in there as there is in almost any other room of my house!
I love that I have passed my love of reading on to my children. We haven't even finished the first semester of school and my kindergartener is already reading! Slowly yes, but he is doing it! Emily and Nataly both love reading, they will even read to their younger siblings which warms my heart on many levels. I also have to confess that I secretly love it when I have to get after my girls for sneaking out of bed to read by the light in the hallway.
I do have to be very careful with my habit though...I will get so caught up in a pleasure book that I neglect my studies...this semester I promised myself that I would not start any new books until I finish my finals...so its just re-reads for me right now. I think if I tried to go cold turkey, and stick to just academics I would end up harming someone :) What were some of the last books you read that you enjoyed?

P.S. I adore books that are a part of a series!

Somebody is missing Gram

One morning recently, Rylee kept pestering Cory and I that she wanted to go see my mom. All fine and dandy except for the facts: my mom lives 2 and 1/2 hours away, she was at work, we needed to be home when the kids got home from school, it was an early release day, I had girl scouts that night, and we had plans for the weekend already. It just wasn't possible to pack up and head to see Gram and Grandpa....sorry Roober!
Cory and I were have an indepth discussion and Rylee had finally found something to occupy herself. She sat coloring at the table. I asked her what she was drawing...I get a little teary at this part....She told me that she drew a picture of Gram so that she could be with her and hug and kiss her because she missed her so much ♥♥ She carried that hand drawn picture with her for around 4 hours. She hugged and kissed and talked to 'Gram' the whole time...
Oh how I wish that we could spend more time with my parents. With my schooling and Cory's work schedule...its just not possible and I have tried to explain this to the kiddos so many times. Right now we are making sacrifices so that I can get through my schooling. In fact...part of the reason that Cory's schedule is inflexible is because of my classes.....I think that for a week or so of Christmas break we will head to Gram and Grandpa's house....now if they can only hold out that long...

Feed Me Friday: White Chicken Chili

This is one of my all time favorite fall/winter meals. I do make it during the summer as well, but its just not the same. Although this has cayenne and white pepper and green chilis, don't be deceived....This is NOT a spicy dish. Hope you love it as much as I do ♥

1 lb boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut in 1/2in cubes
1 medium onion chopped
1 TBSP oil
1 15 ounce can of white hominy drained
1 15 ounce can of cannellini beans(white kidney beans) rinsed and drained
1 14 ounce can of chicken broth
2 4 ounce cans chopped green chilis
1 tsp. garlic (granulated)
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. ground cumin
1/4 tsp white pepper
1/4 cayenne pepper
8 ounces Sour Cream
1/3 cup half and half
2 TBSP minced fresh cilantro, divided

Saute chicken and onion in oil until no longer pink. Add hominy, beans, broth, chilis and seasonings. Bring to boil, turn down and simmer 30 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in sour cream nad half and half, and 1/2 the minced cilantro. Garnish with remaining cilantro.
6(ish) servings

Conflict

As the ad says 'You've come a long way baby!' Just don't stop now that the door is open. It is only through conflict that issues are resolved. The conflict may be within ourselves. ~Mr. Bill
2-17-97

Life is too short to have it consumed with anger. Try the attitude of forgiveness. It does wonders for one's inner beauty. ~Mr. Bill 03-10-97

Tuesday's True Confession....

I am a music junky! The hardest part about having my computer down a few weeks ago was that all my music is on it.

I think I even posted something about my world being grey with no music....it was true! Now that I have my music back I feel so vibrant again!

I have quite the eclectic taste in music...you will find Mozart, to Jars of Clay, to Nickelback, to ACDC and Metallica...and I have to admit, you will even find Justin Beiber on my playlist...as well as Britney Spears and a plethora of stuff in between....

Just for grins and giggles I decided to play the list on random (I usually do anyways) and post the first 5 songs that play.

Awesome God-Jars of Clay

Stiletto......-Myah Marie

If today was your last day-Nickelback

How to believe-Bridgit Mendler

Billionaire-Travie McCoy

Stab my back-All-American Rejects

wow, hum what a mix! Call me crazy, I don't mind :)

Only my child.....

Last week Ethan, who already suffers from asthma, came down with croup. I kept him home and close to his treatments and when it came time for him to finally return to school this past week I called his teacher to give her a heads up on the coughing and what should be the course of action.
We get ready to conclude the phone call and she tells me that Ethan said the cutest thing today...I must be the only parent to actually cringe when hearing that phrase. My kids never stop at just cute they embarrass the heck outta me! She goes on to tell me that the kids had to use "I go" in a sentence pertaining to how they get to school. Ethan ponders for a minute. Let me tell you this kid has a fantastic pondering face too lol. And then his eyes light up and he says....wait, are you sure you are ready for this? Are you really sure?
He says "I go to school in my dad's blue car that isn't registered...because he forgot." ACK GAH OMHEAVENS!!! His teacher replied "Ethan!, Your dad is a Deputy, I can't believe he would do that! Are you sure he did that?" To which Ethan replied with nothing more than a smile.
First of all, let me say that his teacher was incredibly impressed that Ethan even knew that cars need to be registered before you can drive them. And Second, well, she thought this was so cute that she put it in the school newsletter, sighhhhhhh.
I was STEAMING mad, thinking that Cory actually had taken them to school in the blue car that seriously is not registered, but I had left the red car that IS registered for him to take them to school, and I rode with a friend to Show Low for class...Later I find out that Cory DID NOT take them in the unregistered car. However, Ethan did try to persuade him to take that one, and Cory replied, "No son, its not registered"
So folks, no need to worry, we really are law abiding citizens and not hypocrites. I promise.

I hopped on tonight to post....mostly because I don't want to do my chemistry homework. I really need to do that homework. I seriously cannot afford to slack off in this class. I have got to get a B or higher to enter the nursing program.
I'm not going to let this be an avoidance mechanism!
Mistake realized, and corrected.
I'm off to deal with numenclature...oiyyyyyyy

A change of pace

My posts the past bit have been less than positive, waaay less than uplifting. I was cleaning my computer desk today....hey, the computer geek was coming, I didn't need to appear like a total slob right? Anyways, I found a book that I keep quotes and poems in, some are of my own design and others are inspiring and uplifting things I have found or been given along the way. This one hit home tonight.

Discovering Your Inner Beauty
Barbara B. Smith
The yellow caterpillar saw another caterpillar hanging upside down on a branch. caught in some hairy substance. She said "You seem to be in trouble. Can I help you?" "No," said the hanging caterpillar "I have to do this to become a butterfly." "Butterfly: what is a butterfly?" asked the yellow caterpillar. The hanging caterpillar replied, "Its what you are meant to become. It flies with the flowers and carriers seeds of love from one flower to another. Without butterflies the world would soon have few flowers." The yellow caterpillar exclaimed "It can't be true! How can I believe there's a butterfly inside me or you when all I see is a fuzzy worm? How does one become a butterfly?" "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar" said the hanging caterpillar.
Like the caterpillars who will one day become butterflies, we have the magnificent potential to develop the powers within us and become greater than most of us dare to dream.

Tuesday's True Confession: I am judgemental

I jump to conclusions. I ASSUME, I judge others by what they look like or how they talk.....not all the time, mind you. But when I do, well, it alwaysalwaysalways comes back at me in a hugely negative way.
Now, why haven't I learned from this in the past? That I really can't explain. I have gotten alot better about it though.
President Monson's remarks Saturday night at Womens Conf. sure hit home and made a big impact on me though.

Christ said 'Judge not'....so really who am I to think that way about people. Especially when its something that I struggle with, thinking that others are judging me!!!

Appearances can be so deceiving.

Each of us is unique, we should celebrate our differences instead setting ourselves apart from those that are 'different'.

Charity is the pure love of Christ. Charity is also being tolerant and lienient with others. True charity is love in action. Charity is having patience, and looking beyond physical appearance. All of us wear the mantle of chartiy. charity is the highest, noblest kind of love.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them!

Insignificant me

Often, I hear people say that every person has something that only THEY can do in this life. Something that nobody else can do better.
I happen to think I am the exception to this rule. I can't think of one thing I do better than anyone I know. I'm not quirky, I'm not crafty, I'm just not all that talented. I am an average joe-ina all the way....and yes, I'm very insecure about it.
Its an ongoing sort of insecurity. Something that is still hanging around from my pre CCM days too. I would rather stay home curled up with a book to read...its not going to judge me, more than that, I don't have to work myself up just by thinking that it *might* be judging me.
Its so stinkin' hard for me to be around people that I don't know really well or that I haven't known for a loooooooong time.
Take volleyball for instance. I usually txt the three people that I actually know who play to see if they will be there. Otherwise I'm stuck with these ladies that I don't know well, and play muchmuchmuch better than I do.
This last week none of those friends showed up, but I still stayed and played. I was by far the worst player out there, I think every one of these ladies played on the varsity team in HS. Yet as I made a few mistakes in a row, the insecurity crept in and I literally almost walked out mid game, I felt(even though there was no evidence to support this) that those ladies were thinking about how awful I was and how I probably shouldn't even come next time. Or maybe my team mates were wishing I had skipped out this week. I was so down on myself even though I really was busting butt and actually made some kick ass plays, all I could see were my mistakes, my failures. I stayed though and played the whole time. I still want to go back, I consider it a big personal challenge and one that is going to constantly challenge me to put my butt on the line W
Thats just one example out of a million everyday things. I believe that its more my perception of things that an actual reality that people are judging me.

Do you know that everyone of those ladies reminded me to come play next week too?

Ethan's family project

I have to say that I I love Ethan's kindergarten teacher! Every month we receive a family homework project. So far we have done two, but everyone loves to be included and see the finished results. This time around we had a cardstock printout of a scarecrow to decorate with our selection of materials and then we had to write a story about the scarecrow since Ethan's class has been working to recognize characters in stories as well as the conflict and resolution in stories they read. Here is our story

Tatti was sitting on the bench in the garden. Only the crows were keeping him company. Now that fall was here there wan't much left in the garden, a few pumpkins and such. Tatti felt lonely because the family didn't come out to see him as much. He decided to run away. He passed the fileds where the horses were and they looked at him a little strangely, for who has ever seen a scarecrow walking down the road. Tattie made it to the end of the road but he felt so tired because he wasn't used to so much wlaking. He quickly fell asleep. When he woke up the school bus was there and the children were getting off the bus. Ethan saw Tatti and asked his sisters to hlep him carry the scarecrow back to the house. On the way down the road the kids all talked about how they would have been so sad if Tatti had gone missing. They decided to set TAtti on the purch swing by the front door so that they would see him everyday. Now Tatti doesn't feel so lonely!

Tuesday's True Confession: I can't sleep if....

Getting ready for bed is almost more of an ordeal for me than its worth some days. I am not one of those people that can shuck my clothes off and collapse into bed and be sawing logs in a minute flat.
I prep to end my day just as much as I prep to start my day. My husband rolls his eyes at some of the things I do, but he also knows that if I skip one of the vitally important things, I will actually wake up in the middle of the night, and have to do it before I go back to sleep. You may be shocked at how silly some of these things seem...but to me the are what helps me sleep...here goes:

I must always put lotion on my feet before I go to sleep. If I don't, I will, without fail, wake up because my feet feel tight and itchy. In addition to the lotion I HAVE to sleep with socks on. I can manage to go barefoot all day long, but if I even catch a chance for a quick nap, I must have socks on.

I wish I could say that I must always remove my makeup before going to sleep, alas, thats not true and more often than not I wake up with the heroin look...I know you remember that fashion trend...

I have to read in order to fall asleep otherwise my mind runs through all sorts of frantic senarios and they keep building and escalating until I work myself up to a panic attack...don't ask me why, this is just how it is.

When I finish reading I almost always spend about 10 minutes doing a meditation of my own design to help me hold on to that drowsy feeling and run with it. Mostly this consists of me focusing on being relaxed and staying relaxed, and keeping my mind from jumping to stray thoughts. If that happens, well....I won't be getting any sleep thats for sure.

I have the craziest dreams, I talk in my sleep, I dream in color (which I hear isn't all that common), I can actually smell things and here music in my dreams, and remember them upon waking.

Perhaps I am just not built to sleep!
Confession complete!

Okay...I can handle this...I really can.

SOOOOO....remember LAST semester? I sure do, it was rough. It was a mess. I was stressed to the max and almost at the halfway point I exploded, which ended up in me hurting and scaring those I love most.
I don't want to repeat that. I have learned from that. I'm not the only one who had to make changes and had challenges to overcome. Those changes have been implemented on all parts.
But now, well, now I'm sitting down going over my class outlines for the next few weeks and its crunch time. I have some tests coming up of big time importance....I also have to admit that I am behind in a class :/
I'm making a daily schedule that I plan to stick to for the next few weeks to avoid any procrastination. I have entered all test dates into my phone so that they won't sneak up on me. I have asked for help around the house so that I will be able to get the studying done that I need to do.
I even toyed with the idea of skipping volleyball for the next few weeks to have even more study time, but I decided that I needed that little bit of fun and endorphin inducing activity.
Perhaps its about time i throw in some evening yoga to relax and help me keep my perspective and patience...
Anything to avoid punching my husband...again...would be a good idea don't ya think?

blogging with a dinosaur

This morning, I sat at the computer while kiddo #1 was in the shower. Its a usual routine for me. I then ran around getting everyone dressed fed and outfitted with all the proper equipment for school, took the kids to school, and headed over to slow town to do my grocery shopping...on the way I get a txt from Cory stating that the computer won't turn on! At all. All plugs have been checked all surge protectors reset. Still NOTHING. So I'm stuck working on our dinosaur aged laptop :(
I do have to be greatful for this dinosaur though...the one online class I am doing this semester has software that is only compatible with it, and not my pc....still, all my music is on the other comp as well as a great deal of photos and other works. Don't freak though....almost everything is backed up on disk or drive...
Just because I needed something else expensive to happen in my life right?

Tuesday's true confession

I often say things before I think them all the way through. Tonight I'm having one of those situations. Even though I did actually think this particular thing through, I really didn't see a problem with expressing my opinion. HO BOY was I wrong.
I'm quite tired of feeling like such an embarrassment to my husband. This is me though. It breaks me in half to know that I have, yet again, caused him to feel this way.
I still don't think that I should be wrong for expressing an opinion. Perhaps the way I went about it was the wrong way, but I just can't get over how much I have hurt him...yet again.

I want to be creative when I grow up.

So I've got Christmas presents on the brain...I still have two kids birthdays, my brothers birthday, my anniversary, my sisters birthday, my nephews birthday AND my moms birthday to come before Christmas. Nevertheless, I can't stop thinking about some things that I would love to make, yes, I said make, my family for Christmas.
The only problem is that I. Am. NOT. Crafty. I can barely look at the sewing machine without it majorly messing up...Cory says I'm not allowed to touch the serger lol. Even though, technically, it belongs to me! I can crochet, but never seem to finish anything that I start...
I really want to my some nice fleece hats and scarf sets for my kids, warm and cozy!
Emily is next up for a new quilt. And I also think she would love a memory board/bulletin board....thing. I'm not really sure what they are called but I do know that I can easily make one. But if I make something for one, I have to make something for all. Not the same thing mind you...just...something...I see so many blogs out there with super incredibly talents people crafting these amazing things, things I would love to have the skill to do...So I need to figure out WHAT I want to make, and then decide how to dumb it down enough so that I can actually accomplish it...and still keep on top of everything else...oiyyyyyy.

Its my FaVoRiTe time of year!!!

By this time next week I will be canning apple pie filling and loving every minute of it! Its time to change the scent to apple cinnamon in the air fresheners! Almost time to enjoy some acorn squash, and baked apples, and apple brown betty.
Since we get such a good deal on fruit, I mean it grows on trees lol!(and we have an inside track to Utah Fruit) We have never gone to an 'orchard' to pick any, but one thing we will do is visit the pumpkin patch in Snowflake. Check out www.thewillisfarm.com for more info on that. I'm thinking that we will make a scarecrown to sit out on our front porch and we will cover our front window again to have a massive glowing jack-o-lantern. I love the cooler weather...until it gets really cold, then I'm a sissy. I may have grown up in Alaska but let me tell you I have acclimated to the 'dry desert heat'!
And yes, for you fall party poopers, I do know that its not 'officially' fall, and I do know that we are supposed to have a bit of a heat wave this next week. Honestly? I don't care FALL IS HERE!

I have a confession to make...

Growing up I was very rarely called by my name, Amanda, except in school. My family called me Mandi. I kinda miss being called Mandi...I can't think of a single person that still calls me Mandi, Perhaps Mandi just isn't a suitable name for a woman of almost 30 years.

This that and the other

Jeez, there is so much going on right now I don't even know what to 'blog' about...

School has started for me, Chemistry is kicking my butt.
Cory is awesome for stepping up(again) and doing everything 3 nights a week while I'm at class!
I'm considering another tattoo...so is somebody else that I know, but it would be their first.
I can't get enough music lately, and my tastes are so varied people think I'm nuts.
Primary program is in three weeks...YIKES!
I get to talk in sacrament on Sunday...oh joy.
I want to figure out how to make some fleece hats for my kids...and matching scarfs.
Canning season has commenced, so far we have done Salsa, Spaghetti Sauce...relish and apples will be coming up soon.
I'm still have very strange and often disturbing dreams.
I'm starting to like my blonde alot more.
I have been working out and I actually enjoy getting all sweaty, the rush is ahhhMAZing!
I'm taking more time to actually listen to my children, I'm learning lots♥♥
When you do what you are supposed to do many miraculous things happen.
My cat is full of piss and vinegar lately, don't get whats up with her...
I'm thinking that I actually want to go somewhere for my anniversary, doesn't have to be fancy, just an overnight or weekend away by ourselves.
I am in love with Bath and Body Works Stress Relief Massage Oil in Eucalyptus and Spearmint
I'm tired of having vehicle problems.
My crown over my root canal is cracking :(
Incontinence...enough said
Rylee and Ethan keep telling me they want a baby brother...
Nataly thinks we should have had 5 kids instead of only 4, I hate to break it to them but mom and dad can't make babies anymore...
My family is wonderful, crazy but wonderful. I sure never saw my life heading in this direction, but now that I'm here I wouldn't change any of it for anything.

Its the AMANDA show...

So lately a familiar phrase can be heard coming out of my mouth...I'm a one Amanda show. How and why has this happened? For years I was so busy gestating, birthing, feeding, diapering, and playing with babies that life outside my own home just really didn't exist for me. Flash forward, I now have a 4th grader, a 1st grader, a kindergartener, AND a pre k headstart kid.
Each of these schools have a parents committee of some kind. And in my own ways I have been able to actively participate and help out WITHOUT joining the committee OR attending regular meetings OR being an 'elected' officer....why should I change that now? I seriously do help out quite a bit with book fairs, carnivals, being a 'room' mother kinda thing. The 'elected' officers of these committees know that if they call me with enough notice I will do it. In all these years I have only had to say NO once...so I really feel that I give what I can...why can't that be enough?
For over 4 years now I have been a 'paid' volunteer for my community library...under the table pay...I have spent countless hours making the library a better place and doing my absolute best to assist people in any capacity at the library. From teaching people how to use email, to looking up books on specific items, to copying and sending ancestoral information, organizing and managing summer reading program activities, moving the entire library to another room with only a few other volunteers...why can't that be enough??
So this has totally turned into a whine fest...But the point that I really wanted to make is that I do help out, I do my part...I go above and beyond quite often to accomplish tasks asked of me. So now that I'm taking classes and working towards becoming an RN, I need to scale back. The people who have come to depend on me to do so many of these things become hostile when I tell them that I just can't and my priorities are a little different this semester...I have to scale back in order to keep my sanity and my family intact...why should I be given harsh treatment for that?
Bottom line (s)...sometimes it sucks being a reliable person...a little appreciation would be welcome...I'm not Superwoman, her suit would look horrible on me!....I will still help out, but not as much as I have in the past, I'm not totally deserting, just heading in a different direction...

♫...A GRANDMOTHER just like you!♫

So Rylee and I have been enjoying some one on one time with all the others in school and Dad off working most days. We were at the library a few days ago, and Rylee starts chatting away...our conversation went something like this...

"Your name is Mommy, but sometimes I call you Moto Moto" said Rylee.

" Very true, your name is Rylee, but somtimes I call you Roober" Said I.

" We should change your name to something special!" said Rylee.

" But I already have the most special name I can think of! Being your mom is special to me" said I.

" I can think of an even more special name....GRANDMA is the most specialist name ever! We should call you Grandma!" said Rylee...

So we know who rates first in her book! Someday I will have the joy and priviledge of being a Grandmother...but I really want to be called Nana. Actually it doesn't matter what they call me, so long as they know who I am and love me as much I as I know I will love them!

These days with just Rylee at home are so precious to me, This is the first time I have ever had a 4 year old at home with no other kids, I guess I never realized just how creative and spontaneous and giggly they can be. At the same time its a little taxing to have just ONE at home, I end up doing alot more entertaining than usual. Still, this time is so precious to me and I will cherish it always. We get to do things that we normally can't do, like having breakfast together at the park this morning...and later if we get the kitchen all cleaned up we will paint our nails! Just Rylee and me. Me and my Rylee, and it will be fun even though I'm not 'grandma'.♥♥

Rylee is 4!

Happy Birthday to my little freckle face! Rylee has always been a happy child, and cute as a button. She has more nick-names than any kid could know what to do with; from Smiley Rylee, to Roober, and many in between. Being the youngest I know that she feels frustrated when the older kids set out on some activity or adventure that is difficult for her but she troops along and gives it her best to keep up and not be left out. She is a snuggler and a princess at heart. She may have been my easiest delivery at less than 4 hours of labor, but she made up for it by spending her first month of life on a billie blanket with severe jaundice and being coombs positive. And then before she was even a year old she spent a week in the hospital with pnemonia and then a month on oxygen when she came home. Despite these challenges she is healthy and happy(most of the time!) I wouldn't trade her for the world!

I have Zucchini coming out of my ears!

Here's another zucchini recipe that I adore! As soon as I finish posting I'm off to whip one of these up for dinner. We will be pairing this with fish tonight, but its great with just about anything, chicken, pork chops, steak...or nothing! It stands on its own very well as a veg or light dinner! Enjoy and HOLLA if you don't have enough zuc's lol, I could probably spare a few!

Zucchini Pie
4 cups Zucchini(thin slices)
1 cup white onion chopped
1/4 cup butter
Saute these until tender

While the above mixture is cooking press one tube of crescent roll dough into a pie plate. You have to be slightly creative to cover the sides and bottome but one tube will do it! Brush the uncooked crust with 2 TBS of yellow mustard.
Add 1/2 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp pepper, 1/4 tsp garlic(granulated), 1/4 tsp basil 1/4 tsp oregano to the cooked mixture.
Combine 2 eggs and 2 cups of shredded mozzerella cheese in a small bowl. then combine with the cooked mixture and dump into the uncooked crust. bake at 375 for about an hour. A butter knife in the middle will come out clean and your 'pie' will be slightly brown on top! YUMMM

Summer Bounty

How do I love my zucchini? Let me count the ways...nah that would take waaay to long.
Instead how 'bout I share just a few of my most favorite zuc recipes? I thought you might like that! Here goes, this first one I can't take credit for inventing, but I will gladly take the credit when you pop a bite of this chocolatey goodness into your mouth and moan at your mouthful of pleasure!
Chocolate Zucchini Cake
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup veg oil
1 3/4 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup sour milk(OR 1/2 cup of milk with 1 tsp lemon juice mixed in it)
2 1/2 cup flour
4 TBSP cocoa
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground cloves
2 cups shredded zucchini
1/4 cup...ish, I use more lol chocolate chips

Cream butter, oil and sugar. Add eggs, canilla and sour milk; beat with mixer. Mis together all the dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Add in small amounts to the creamed mixture. Stir in zucchini and spoon batter into a greased and floured 9x13 pan sprinkle chocolate chips on top and bake at 325 for 45 minutes.

This next one is actually what we had for lunch today. Its soo easy to do in the crock pot or on the stove top. This is in my top three of all time favorite soups.

Italian Vegetable soup
2 packs of Italian sausage. I use sweet cuz my kids are sissys about spicy stuff, but the hot sausage is yummy too.
1 large onion diced
1 1/2 tsp minced garlic...or a couple of cloves fresh minced
8 cups sliced zucchini
2 large! cans of diced tomatos
2 cans of garbanzo beans drained and rinsed
2 cups of beef broth
2 tsp basil

cut your sausage out of the casings and brown and use your muscles to break it up into smallish chunks add your onion when fat starts to render. Now the rest is so easy you are going to laugh.
Dump all remaining ingredients and the sausage and onions into a pot and simmer til the zuc's are tender. Crockpot...assemble and cook on high for about 6 hours.

YUM YUM!

Ethan is 5!

Happy Birthday to my boy! I won't go into a rehash of the delivery experience or anything like that. Ethan is one of the joys of my life. He has a totally unique way of looking at things in this world and I love that about him...even when it drives me crazy. He loves to take things apart, and I swear he was born knowing how to make the proper vehicle sounds for his manly toys lol.

He has always been a snuggler, I'm hoping he never gets to big for a kiss and a hug for his mom♥♥

Got Dirt?

Yesterday was the first day so far this year that all six of us were able to get out in the garden together and plant away. If you have seen my garden you know that its quite large and really takes quite a bit of time.
It feel so glorious to have my hands in the dirt. I get so excited to plant and watch every little green shoot break free of the soil towards the sunlight! I love putting starter plants in and watching them flourish as well.
What all did we plant yesterday? Lets see.. 3 rows of corn, 3 rows of green beans, a row of leaf spinach, yellow squash, zuchinni, yet more tomatos(I think we are near 30 tomato plants now), bell peppers, and lettuce...I believe that was all.
We already have onions, did I mention gobs of tomatoes?...I know I'm missing something in there.
We have left to plant: cucumbers, pumpkins, melons of all kinds, and some hotter peppers too. I'm also anticipating getting a few packs of flowers and perhaps talking Cory into building me some window boxes.
I have numerous seed packets that I want to plant as well...some perenials for the hummingbirds, perhaps some forget me nots, and I am anxious to see how many of our dahlias pop back up this year and how big the red hot poker plants will get...
The way I see it, I should be able to get my hands dirty almost every day for the next week or so, planting.
I love that my kiddos demand to be involved and some even pulled weeds voluntarily, always puts a smile on my face to see that!
After that it will be time to weed!

My Quotable Kiddos

"I know why only boys can have the priesthood, because girls get to have babies...they can only do one really special thing, thats why boys have the priesthood" Ethan
"You're better than any pillow mom, you're sooo squishy" Nataly
"Ethan can burp in Spanish mom!" Rylee...Me, " I hate to tell you honey, but thats a pretty universal language."
"Life needs a soundtrack" Emily...I have never said that out loud, but those are my thoughts too!!

I was in 3rd of 4th grade when this pic was taken, and the pic was done around Christmas time. I love my Nana so much and will miss her deeply. I have many many wonderful memories of time spent with her though. I even started teaching Emily how to play rummy...in memory of Nana. My emotions are still touch and go, but thats to be expected. I am greatful for the knowledge and understanding of the after life. I know I will see her again someday and I know that she is no longer in pain. She has been reunited with loved ones who passed on before her. And I will keep her memory alive in my children.

He Lives

He Lives

Not a meltdown but an EXPLOSION

These last two weeks have been harder on me than almost any time in my life. The life overload reached it peak and rather than being able to cope and MAKE the time to chill and refigure some things....I literally exploded. At the people I love most. It was horrible. I can't go back and change it. There will and have already been consequences. Some of those consequences seriously terrify me. I may lose everything I have been working towards. I am not in control of what will happen next. I lost my faith for a brief period, but it seemed agonizingly long to me. I have learned from this whole ordeal. I will continue to learn. I have made changes that were a long time coming. I have asked for help, and honestly thats probably the hardest part of the whole situation...asking for help and having to admit out loud that I can't do it all on my own is a killer for me. More changes will be coming. All I can do is go forward with a determined purpose and frame of mind to make it better and not repeat the same mistakes. I have people who love me and are willing to help. I have my faith too.

On overload and headed towards a meltdown

There are times in my life, such as this one, where I have so many things that need to be done, that I just don't want to do any of it! Research papers (3 totally different ones to be exact), the endless Biology homework(that I feel is being done in vain, since I am barely holding onto a C in that dang class), Three midterm exams to study for, family to love, laundry, dishes, sick people who need care, state certification for my nursing assistant coming up, exercise, stomach problems, vehicle woes, remodling, cookies to deliver, jump rope for heart, school musical(not me, but the kids) and on and on it goes.

My hope and perserverance have deserted me this night, and I will have to dig deep to find them. I must find time for me, time to recharge the batteries. I need someone to give to me, instead of demanding and taking from me.

Send me some hope, something that will lift me up, would ya?

My Quoteable Kids

"I know why only boys can have the priesthood, because girls get to have babies...they can only do one really special thing, thats why boys have the priesthood" Ethan



"You're better than any pillow mom, you're sooo squishy" Nataly

"Ethan can burp in Spanish mom!" Rylee...Me, " I hate to tell you honey, but thats a pretty universal language."

"Life needs a soundtrack" Emily...I have never said that out loud, but those are my thoughts too!!

Some of my Favs

Just a list of my current can't do withouts

Music
Daughtry-Life After You
Kei$ha-Tik Tok
Jars of Clay-The ENTIRE Redemption Songs Album!!!
Mozart:Violin Concertos 4&5
Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing...I will be singing a Solo in March YIKES!

Books
Percy Jackson and the Olympians
The Joy Luck Club
Saving Fish From Drowning
The Bonesetters Daughter
The above list is pitifully short! But forgive me, I am hip deep in school work and actually three of the books listed are actually books I have to read for a research paper....

ACTIVITIES
Wii Fit...can't get enough of it!!
Wish I was putting reading on here....sadly I just don't have the time for it!
Snowball fights with the kiddos
Watching Cory battle all the remodling we decided to do...hee hee
Piano...working hard to learn the rest of Bella's Lullaby for our town talent show...it probably won't happen but thats my plan.
Grabbing a stolen "moment" with Cory, these days a quick smooch or 5 minutes of talking in bed is about all the time we have had together...not very fun actually!

Feel free to make a suggestion on a book or song you think I might like :) I have a BIG bio test this week, so I might be missing in action until its over with.

Running On Empty

Ever have those days that feel like a whole week? I sure did today. Two coughing kids, one with asthma and one with croup, then one of our vans sprung a massive gushing leak in the radiator, then a busted well pipe, which meant awhile without water, had to arrange afterschool care for the two olders since the youngers needed to see the dr. for which we also had to borrow a vehicle since I had classes this pm. Prescription to pick up, homework to do, not to mention all the housework that I NEVER have time to keep up with. Continual stomach (area) pain. And Cory came close to smashing his whole finger off today while working on the darn well...Tomorrow is a new day right?
Tomorrows line up....take sick kids to the grands since I have a Dr. appt AND we are taking my Father-in-Law up with us as well for a spinal IV infusion(I'm not really clear at this point exactly what this is or what its really for, but plan to pump for mucho info tomorrow). Healthy kids have to go to grands house as well since its early release for PT Conferences...I have homework that I will be bringing along on our trip to Show Low tomorrow that MUST MUST MUST be completed, I have to work the library then I have to zoom into Holbrook to pick up a bajillion boxes of girl scout cookies, then sort and get ready for delivery, dinner to be cooked(or a bowl of cereal...depends on how drained I am) laundry, more homework....I know I am forgetting at least three things in there.
Well, I am off to try and beg my hottie for a back rub...that should make me feel better until I wake up tomorrow!

sPEEdy world

Have you ever really stopped to notice just how fast paced our lives are today? I know that I am always on the go, racing from one thing to the next, trying to beat the clock and get as much done as possible.

Never once have i stopped to consider the effects that this has on our children collectively throughout the community and even perhaps the world, but Thursday night, the truth rushed into my face....

We attended the Family Math Carnival at Natalys school. Many families were there, not just the kids who attend that school and a parents but whole families, which was pleasing to me. Of course I had my whole entourage with me(i.e. Cory and the kids). We went from classroom to classroom playing math/number based games and winning little prizes for the kids, a bag of freshly popped corn as well.

In the midst of this fast paced evening activity, I witnessed three...yes, count them...THREE kids wet their pants. I felt sad and ashamed....mostly because this happened to my daughter less than a week ago...there was so much going on that although she asked to go to the bathroom, the teacher told her to wait and by the time she "got the chance" she fell short of the pot.
How often do we do this ourselves as adults? I find myself quite often having to "hold" it, or I tell myself that i can wait until I accomplish just a little more.
To do this leads to extremely poor bladder health and for women poor bladder support. For any and all who have trouble jumping on a trampoline you know just what I am talking about.
So, perhaps we can all slow down just a bit, stop...and sit on the pot, bring a magazine and enjoy the time.

Sisterly Love?

We gathered around the table tonight for some girly fun and bedazzled our fingernails and toenails...much to Ethans discontent because he feels so left out. I finally relented and swiped some clear on, and honestly sometimes I do paint his toe nails!

Any-who, the girls are supposed to be getting Pjs on and picking out clothes for the next day, i am still at the table cleaning supplies up and I hear a horrible horrible shrieking noise.

I drop the bag of nail decorations and full on run back to the bedrooms where the little darlings sleep.

I find Rylee and Nataly standing in the middle of their room each holding one end of a pair of Pj pants and tugging for all they are worth!

"I want to wear them tonight!" "But they still fit ME!" "Well, they look better on ME!"(I kid you not...that is what came out of Rylee's mouth) "NOOOO, I want them!"....well you get the idea.

Sighhhh, I really thought it would be at least a few more years before I had to deal with the clothing wars. I seriously thought they would be in the teen years.

Apparently I was wrong. We do have arguments over hair dillys and accessories, but its never been on this grand a scale.

I quickly intervened to avoid what was sure to be bloodshed.

In the end, well, I took the dang Pj pants away and NOBODY got to wear them...

Generation gap

Tonight I was working on compiling a new playlist for myself. Emily was watching over my shoulder and commenting on each song I chose to download. Apparently I am a "cool" mom b/c she knew most of the songs I was picking...but it wasn't until Rylee, my three year old, came up and started singing "paparazzi" by Lady Gaga that I figured one of two things...they are growing up really fast or I am hanging on to my youth with the music that I listen to.
In all honesty, I know they are growing up fast, I see and hear new things from them all everyday. I still remember the moment I found out I was expecting each of them, and the moment that they were born...seems like yesterday.
However, I have always been one who listens to a VERY wide variety of music, and yes, I know that some of it is just down right weird, but I am okay with that. Music is everything for me. More often than not, I think in terms of songs...such as..."you know that song____well, thats just how I feel at this moment"
I am sure some of you have seen the group on FB that you can become a fan of, something about wishing the epic moments in our lives were set to a soundtrack, well THATS ME! There is always some form of music going on in my head, even if its not playing outloud for the world to hear...its there for me to enjoy.
I hear comments all the time about how well my children know the songs we are singing/learning at church. My reply is always the same...its because we sing and listen to music constantly at my house...no seriously, we do. Cleaning is almost impossible to do at my house without an energy pumping playlist blasting from the speakers. And many times, I play guessing games at the piano with the kids, in relation to the songs they know from church...well the ones I can actually play since I am a really amatuer when it comes to my piano!
Back on track here...Emily progressed from making comments about my playlist to making suggestions for the playlist...and now she wants me to download it to her mp3 player...sigh, do you have any idea at all how old I feel to be sharing a playlist with my daughter?!?! yikes, whats next...she will want to borrow my lip gloss or some clothes...oiy.

sleeping beauties

Classes this semester require that I be away from home one full evening a week. This leaves Cory to run the bedtime circus, and while he is fully competent, it was a bit confusing for the kids last night. I had made it known to all of them that I would not be here when they got up from naps or home from school and that I would not be home until they were in bed and asleep.

Last night when I got home all was quiet and the children were asleep in their beds. I missed all the good night routines so I crept quietly into each room and gave each child a kiss.

Nataly happens to sleep on a top bunk and was so far over that I could not reach her well, so I kissed my fingers and placed them on her face, I let them linger just a bit, she stirred and said(in her sleep) "Whats that smell?, It smells pretty...like my mom". I melted inside, what a tribute!

I have always been a firm believer in taking a few moments to watch my children sleep, especially if the day has been rough. For me that quiet reflection reminds me just exactly why all of the chaos is worth it. To see them so relaxed and peaceful brings the peace inside of me, I can let go of the power struggles and messes and everyday life. Its a moment of wonder and awe to know that I helped create this precious beings. They continue to be the reason I do most everything in life, because I simply love them.

A little over a week ago, I posted on Facebook that I would not be setting any goals for the New Year. I made that decision based on the fact that this first part of the year is going to be hectic for me with a full class load and my family to care for. What if I failed in these "goals"? Then I would be down on myself, feel depressed...its a vicious cycle that I don't want to get into right now.

Flash forward to today...Cory and I are sitting on the bench at church holding hands with a kid on each of our laps, and one apiece on our sides. The speakers were asked to speak specifically about goal setting...sighhhhh.

Let me summarize by saying that I will be setting goals. But in setting them I will have a plan to accomplish each item, I will record them and put them out where they are visable, I will re-evaluate often and keep track of my progress.

To say I am looking forward to setting and posting these goals could not be further from the truth! To say that I need to set these goals and work hard to obtain them is an absolute truth.

1. Have lunch at school with the girls once a month.
2. exercise for 1 hour AT LEAST 2x's a week, 3 preferably.
3. Date night, once a week...need I say more?
4. Maintain GPA.

There...that wasn't so painful now.

♫♪♫I know He lives! I will follow faithfully! My heart I give to Him, I know that my Savior loves me.♫♪♫
I stood in front of close to 20 kids today ages 3-11 and sang a song titled "I know that my Savior loves me". It is a song that we will be learning and later will incorporate into our yearly program at church. In planning how to teach this song, I also had to form a plan for teaching about the spirit and feeling his love for us and other...because this song touches me in a way that few others in the world do, I knew I was going to cry in front of those kids today. Even now, sitting here typing these words and remembering there little voices singing such wonderful melodies and beautifully thoughout words makes my eyes tear up.

I have finally figured out that I love my calling, and while it has rough spots it is the most special calling I have ever had. For the first time in the year that I have held this calling, I want to magnify it and do my best by those children. Not because I care what others will think of the performances(ok, I do care about that, but not as much as before), but because I want these children to know of the love that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have for them. My hope and prayer is that one song, just one song that I teach to them will stick with them and help them in anytime of need they encounter.

There is nothing in this world as special as a child.