This is a running theme for me lately! Well, probably my whole life if the true confession by told. Lately though, I feel a bit rebelious and stifled, so when opportunity has presented itself, I've let loose, no holds barred and told it just like it ran through my mind.
The only bad thing about this is that my mind isn't one of those that instantly thinks the best about someone or a situation. I could say that I'm a cynic in many cases. In my scary, dark youth, I was known quite well for "mouthing" off to teachers and other adults in a position of authority. My reasons then were that nobody was ever going to dictate to me what I would do or how I would do it. I would be what I wanted, when I wanted, and if you didn't like it, that just made you the enemy.
I made a very crass comment to someone on a Facebook page. Someone who tried to stifle my opinion about something. On a page that is an interest group for the area that I live in no less! So not only did this person see it and react to it, so did a ton of other people, some that I don't know at all(which is mostly okay with me) and some that I know well(yikes) and some that I kinda-sorta-maybe know a little(oh jeez!). So I planted a first impression, and a lasting impression. And I don't think that it was a particularly good one. I also said it under the assumption that this person was the one who moderated the page...and then later found out that it isn't that person, but someone that I kinda-sorta know, and someone that I respect. Ouch.
Even going to high school here in Holbrook for just over a year, I quickly became known as somebody who spoke what she felt/thought, even when it wasn't said in the most tactful way possible.
My parents tried very hard to make me understand the importance of 'engaging my brain, before my mouth' ...they even went so far as to explain to me that I could tell the Queen of England to go to hell, in a tactful manner while still getting the point across...boy, do I have a long way to go. I know what ettiquette is. I know what manners are. I have worked pretty hard to get these things into my childrens minds, and I see evidence that they know and understand and USE these concepts.
But then I do something that I just know they can't ignore and while I feel a bit proud of my mouthy ways sometimes, I also know that if they see that I do it, they will think that they can too. Like when I got mouthy with the nurses aid at the elementary school and pretty much told her blow it out her hole, and that I have more medical training than she does, and I damn well know when my kid is sick or just faking...oiyyyyyy...not a good teaching moment for my 7 year old who was standing next to me.
Why do I feel so stifled and restricted lately? I find myself pushing every boundary I run up against...what am I rebeling against???
I don't have an instant solution for this, I did apologize to the facebook page moderator. It was the right thing to do, and it was a big plate of crow to eat, but I was going crazy knowing that I said what I did, in a round about way, and disrespected someone that I actually really really respect. The person actually told me that they found the whole thing amusing, and that it made me a bigger person to apologize(which made me actually feel smaller b/c yeah, thats how I roll...guilt is my companion) and not to worry about it.
Definitely have some deep thinking to do on this one....and if I mouth off to you, well...at the very least point out to me just how rude and tactless I am and we will take it from there.
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