I hopped on tonight to post....mostly because I don't want to do my chemistry homework. I really need to do that homework. I seriously cannot afford to slack off in this class. I have got to get a B or higher to enter the nursing program.
I'm not going to let this be an avoidance mechanism!
Mistake realized, and corrected.
I'm off to deal with numenclature...oiyyyyyyy

A change of pace

My posts the past bit have been less than positive, waaay less than uplifting. I was cleaning my computer desk today....hey, the computer geek was coming, I didn't need to appear like a total slob right? Anyways, I found a book that I keep quotes and poems in, some are of my own design and others are inspiring and uplifting things I have found or been given along the way. This one hit home tonight.

Discovering Your Inner Beauty
Barbara B. Smith
The yellow caterpillar saw another caterpillar hanging upside down on a branch. caught in some hairy substance. She said "You seem to be in trouble. Can I help you?" "No," said the hanging caterpillar "I have to do this to become a butterfly." "Butterfly: what is a butterfly?" asked the yellow caterpillar. The hanging caterpillar replied, "Its what you are meant to become. It flies with the flowers and carriers seeds of love from one flower to another. Without butterflies the world would soon have few flowers." The yellow caterpillar exclaimed "It can't be true! How can I believe there's a butterfly inside me or you when all I see is a fuzzy worm? How does one become a butterfly?" "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar" said the hanging caterpillar.
Like the caterpillars who will one day become butterflies, we have the magnificent potential to develop the powers within us and become greater than most of us dare to dream.

Tuesday's True Confession: I am judgemental

I jump to conclusions. I ASSUME, I judge others by what they look like or how they talk.....not all the time, mind you. But when I do, well, it alwaysalwaysalways comes back at me in a hugely negative way.
Now, why haven't I learned from this in the past? That I really can't explain. I have gotten alot better about it though.
President Monson's remarks Saturday night at Womens Conf. sure hit home and made a big impact on me though.

Christ said 'Judge not'....so really who am I to think that way about people. Especially when its something that I struggle with, thinking that others are judging me!!!

Appearances can be so deceiving.

Each of us is unique, we should celebrate our differences instead setting ourselves apart from those that are 'different'.

Charity is the pure love of Christ. Charity is also being tolerant and lienient with others. True charity is love in action. Charity is having patience, and looking beyond physical appearance. All of us wear the mantle of chartiy. charity is the highest, noblest kind of love.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them!

Insignificant me

Often, I hear people say that every person has something that only THEY can do in this life. Something that nobody else can do better.
I happen to think I am the exception to this rule. I can't think of one thing I do better than anyone I know. I'm not quirky, I'm not crafty, I'm just not all that talented. I am an average joe-ina all the way....and yes, I'm very insecure about it.
Its an ongoing sort of insecurity. Something that is still hanging around from my pre CCM days too. I would rather stay home curled up with a book to read...its not going to judge me, more than that, I don't have to work myself up just by thinking that it *might* be judging me.
Its so stinkin' hard for me to be around people that I don't know really well or that I haven't known for a loooooooong time.
Take volleyball for instance. I usually txt the three people that I actually know who play to see if they will be there. Otherwise I'm stuck with these ladies that I don't know well, and play muchmuchmuch better than I do.
This last week none of those friends showed up, but I still stayed and played. I was by far the worst player out there, I think every one of these ladies played on the varsity team in HS. Yet as I made a few mistakes in a row, the insecurity crept in and I literally almost walked out mid game, I felt(even though there was no evidence to support this) that those ladies were thinking about how awful I was and how I probably shouldn't even come next time. Or maybe my team mates were wishing I had skipped out this week. I was so down on myself even though I really was busting butt and actually made some kick ass plays, all I could see were my mistakes, my failures. I stayed though and played the whole time. I still want to go back, I consider it a big personal challenge and one that is going to constantly challenge me to put my butt on the line W
Thats just one example out of a million everyday things. I believe that its more my perception of things that an actual reality that people are judging me.

Do you know that everyone of those ladies reminded me to come play next week too?

Ethan's family project

I have to say that I I love Ethan's kindergarten teacher! Every month we receive a family homework project. So far we have done two, but everyone loves to be included and see the finished results. This time around we had a cardstock printout of a scarecrow to decorate with our selection of materials and then we had to write a story about the scarecrow since Ethan's class has been working to recognize characters in stories as well as the conflict and resolution in stories they read. Here is our story

Tatti was sitting on the bench in the garden. Only the crows were keeping him company. Now that fall was here there wan't much left in the garden, a few pumpkins and such. Tatti felt lonely because the family didn't come out to see him as much. He decided to run away. He passed the fileds where the horses were and they looked at him a little strangely, for who has ever seen a scarecrow walking down the road. Tattie made it to the end of the road but he felt so tired because he wasn't used to so much wlaking. He quickly fell asleep. When he woke up the school bus was there and the children were getting off the bus. Ethan saw Tatti and asked his sisters to hlep him carry the scarecrow back to the house. On the way down the road the kids all talked about how they would have been so sad if Tatti had gone missing. They decided to set TAtti on the purch swing by the front door so that they would see him everyday. Now Tatti doesn't feel so lonely!

Tuesday's True Confession: I can't sleep if....

Getting ready for bed is almost more of an ordeal for me than its worth some days. I am not one of those people that can shuck my clothes off and collapse into bed and be sawing logs in a minute flat.
I prep to end my day just as much as I prep to start my day. My husband rolls his eyes at some of the things I do, but he also knows that if I skip one of the vitally important things, I will actually wake up in the middle of the night, and have to do it before I go back to sleep. You may be shocked at how silly some of these things seem...but to me the are what helps me sleep...here goes:

I must always put lotion on my feet before I go to sleep. If I don't, I will, without fail, wake up because my feet feel tight and itchy. In addition to the lotion I HAVE to sleep with socks on. I can manage to go barefoot all day long, but if I even catch a chance for a quick nap, I must have socks on.

I wish I could say that I must always remove my makeup before going to sleep, alas, thats not true and more often than not I wake up with the heroin look...I know you remember that fashion trend...

I have to read in order to fall asleep otherwise my mind runs through all sorts of frantic senarios and they keep building and escalating until I work myself up to a panic attack...don't ask me why, this is just how it is.

When I finish reading I almost always spend about 10 minutes doing a meditation of my own design to help me hold on to that drowsy feeling and run with it. Mostly this consists of me focusing on being relaxed and staying relaxed, and keeping my mind from jumping to stray thoughts. If that happens, well....I won't be getting any sleep thats for sure.

I have the craziest dreams, I talk in my sleep, I dream in color (which I hear isn't all that common), I can actually smell things and here music in my dreams, and remember them upon waking.

Perhaps I am just not built to sleep!
Confession complete!

Okay...I can handle this...I really can.

SOOOOO....remember LAST semester? I sure do, it was rough. It was a mess. I was stressed to the max and almost at the halfway point I exploded, which ended up in me hurting and scaring those I love most.
I don't want to repeat that. I have learned from that. I'm not the only one who had to make changes and had challenges to overcome. Those changes have been implemented on all parts.
But now, well, now I'm sitting down going over my class outlines for the next few weeks and its crunch time. I have some tests coming up of big time importance....I also have to admit that I am behind in a class :/
I'm making a daily schedule that I plan to stick to for the next few weeks to avoid any procrastination. I have entered all test dates into my phone so that they won't sneak up on me. I have asked for help around the house so that I will be able to get the studying done that I need to do.
I even toyed with the idea of skipping volleyball for the next few weeks to have even more study time, but I decided that I needed that little bit of fun and endorphin inducing activity.
Perhaps its about time i throw in some evening yoga to relax and help me keep my perspective and patience...
Anything to avoid punching my husband...again...would be a good idea don't ya think?

blogging with a dinosaur

This morning, I sat at the computer while kiddo #1 was in the shower. Its a usual routine for me. I then ran around getting everyone dressed fed and outfitted with all the proper equipment for school, took the kids to school, and headed over to slow town to do my grocery shopping...on the way I get a txt from Cory stating that the computer won't turn on! At all. All plugs have been checked all surge protectors reset. Still NOTHING. So I'm stuck working on our dinosaur aged laptop :(
I do have to be greatful for this dinosaur though...the one online class I am doing this semester has software that is only compatible with it, and not my pc....still, all my music is on the other comp as well as a great deal of photos and other works. Don't freak though....almost everything is backed up on disk or drive...
Just because I needed something else expensive to happen in my life right?

Tuesday's true confession

I often say things before I think them all the way through. Tonight I'm having one of those situations. Even though I did actually think this particular thing through, I really didn't see a problem with expressing my opinion. HO BOY was I wrong.
I'm quite tired of feeling like such an embarrassment to my husband. This is me though. It breaks me in half to know that I have, yet again, caused him to feel this way.
I still don't think that I should be wrong for expressing an opinion. Perhaps the way I went about it was the wrong way, but I just can't get over how much I have hurt him...yet again.

I want to be creative when I grow up.

So I've got Christmas presents on the brain...I still have two kids birthdays, my brothers birthday, my anniversary, my sisters birthday, my nephews birthday AND my moms birthday to come before Christmas. Nevertheless, I can't stop thinking about some things that I would love to make, yes, I said make, my family for Christmas.
The only problem is that I. Am. NOT. Crafty. I can barely look at the sewing machine without it majorly messing up...Cory says I'm not allowed to touch the serger lol. Even though, technically, it belongs to me! I can crochet, but never seem to finish anything that I start...
I really want to my some nice fleece hats and scarf sets for my kids, warm and cozy!
Emily is next up for a new quilt. And I also think she would love a memory board/bulletin board....thing. I'm not really sure what they are called but I do know that I can easily make one. But if I make something for one, I have to make something for all. Not the same thing mind you...just...something...I see so many blogs out there with super incredibly talents people crafting these amazing things, things I would love to have the skill to do...So I need to figure out WHAT I want to make, and then decide how to dumb it down enough so that I can actually accomplish it...and still keep on top of everything else...oiyyyyyy.

Its my FaVoRiTe time of year!!!

By this time next week I will be canning apple pie filling and loving every minute of it! Its time to change the scent to apple cinnamon in the air fresheners! Almost time to enjoy some acorn squash, and baked apples, and apple brown betty.
Since we get such a good deal on fruit, I mean it grows on trees lol!(and we have an inside track to Utah Fruit) We have never gone to an 'orchard' to pick any, but one thing we will do is visit the pumpkin patch in Snowflake. Check out www.thewillisfarm.com for more info on that. I'm thinking that we will make a scarecrown to sit out on our front porch and we will cover our front window again to have a massive glowing jack-o-lantern. I love the cooler weather...until it gets really cold, then I'm a sissy. I may have grown up in Alaska but let me tell you I have acclimated to the 'dry desert heat'!
And yes, for you fall party poopers, I do know that its not 'officially' fall, and I do know that we are supposed to have a bit of a heat wave this next week. Honestly? I don't care FALL IS HERE!

I have a confession to make...

Growing up I was very rarely called by my name, Amanda, except in school. My family called me Mandi. I kinda miss being called Mandi...I can't think of a single person that still calls me Mandi, Perhaps Mandi just isn't a suitable name for a woman of almost 30 years.

This that and the other

Jeez, there is so much going on right now I don't even know what to 'blog' about...

School has started for me, Chemistry is kicking my butt.
Cory is awesome for stepping up(again) and doing everything 3 nights a week while I'm at class!
I'm considering another tattoo...so is somebody else that I know, but it would be their first.
I can't get enough music lately, and my tastes are so varied people think I'm nuts.
Primary program is in three weeks...YIKES!
I get to talk in sacrament on Sunday...oh joy.
I want to figure out how to make some fleece hats for my kids...and matching scarfs.
Canning season has commenced, so far we have done Salsa, Spaghetti Sauce...relish and apples will be coming up soon.
I'm still have very strange and often disturbing dreams.
I'm starting to like my blonde alot more.
I have been working out and I actually enjoy getting all sweaty, the rush is ahhhMAZing!
I'm taking more time to actually listen to my children, I'm learning lots♥♥
When you do what you are supposed to do many miraculous things happen.
My cat is full of piss and vinegar lately, don't get whats up with her...
I'm thinking that I actually want to go somewhere for my anniversary, doesn't have to be fancy, just an overnight or weekend away by ourselves.
I am in love with Bath and Body Works Stress Relief Massage Oil in Eucalyptus and Spearmint
I'm tired of having vehicle problems.
My crown over my root canal is cracking :(
Incontinence...enough said
Rylee and Ethan keep telling me they want a baby brother...
Nataly thinks we should have had 5 kids instead of only 4, I hate to break it to them but mom and dad can't make babies anymore...
My family is wonderful, crazy but wonderful. I sure never saw my life heading in this direction, but now that I'm here I wouldn't change any of it for anything.