Not part of the team...apparently

This afternoon I had my midterm evaluation. I knew what it would be for the most part. The one part I was uncertain of stemmed from a mishap with my concept map, but turned out not to even be stress worthy because it hadn't been graded yet. HOWEVER...I did get marked down for one thing, something they didn't feel deserved a U(unacceptable) but they did give me an S- and I was told to work on it. Apparently, I have some classmates who feel that I expect too much. That I get frustrated when I feel things are not up to my standards of learning. Basically, that I am not tolerant when people don't know there stuff. Oh, and that I tend to take over in a senario. Its not like this is new feedback to me! I darn well know that I am this way. If you don't want me to step in a take over then step up and do something so I don't. I've had feedback from many sources since I started this nursing program that people think I am this incredibly confident person. OH am I NOT! The only reason I step up and DO things or TAKE CHARGE is because no one else seems to do it or they hesitate. I am so self concious that it is painful. Constantly judging myself and freaking because I just know that other people are judging me too. But I have to keep that all on the inside. I am also very aware that I am not tolerant of other people's mistakes or shortcomings. I work on it continuously. What bothers me the most is that my classmates didn't come to me with this...they tattled like little children in grade school. Now its time to be done dwelling and move on. P.S. The Director of Nursing and the House nursing supervisors at work laughed when I told them why I got a slight mark down. They said "welcome to the club because we ALL got that kind of feedback in nursing school. It just means you are going to be a great leader and a very proficient nurse." So we shall see...

My zion hike

Today, I find myself remembering a hike that I took in Zion National Park many years ago. It was a hike that was designed to be extremely challenging, something that all of us who took it were to liken to our lives. Like life, it started out gentle and easy, on a downward slope. It progressively got harder, and there were challenges that each of us were presented with, for some those challenges were a breeze to get through, and for others they were monumental. One of the challenges on that hike for me came when I had to listen carefully and follow the instructions given by another...I didn't like those instructions and argued with the one who gave them to me. I thought that my way would be so much simpler and easier to accomplish the task that was set before me. I. Was. Wrong. The next hard part for me was actually the very last stretch of the hike when we had to climb almost straight up to return to the point we had started from. It was brutal, I was slow, I wanted to give up. To just sit down and cry because it was so hard and it hurt so very much. I could not focus on my goal of returning to the van, the van that would take me back to my dwelling place, where I could rest and reflect upon the journey. I had to rely on the encouragement that others gave to get me through. That whole hike came during a difficult and enlightening time in my life. Its an experience I will never forgot and I would love to take that hike again. Its just got me thinking about how much I have learned about myself and just exactly what I am capable of doing when I set my mind to it.

Adjusting...or trying to

Getting ready to start week 3 of my semester. And the overload has set in! Working hard to maintain a positive attitude is more crucial than ever right now. My biggest struggle is adjusting to night clinicals...3-11pm and then I get home around 1am and asleep by about 2. I just feel horrible the next day and doing homework hasn't been possible. I have to figure out how to adjust and make it work. On the sweet side I got to spend some time working in the special care nursery or NICU(neonatal intensive care unit). All the itty bitty babies were so precious! And let me tell you, the atmosphere in that unit sooooo calm and quiet compared to the med/surg floors. Even when nurses are 'rushing' around it stays calm and quiet. The patient to nurse ratio is incredibly low too. Rarely will they have more than 2 to work with. Sometimes 3, but only if one of them is going to be discharged that day. Coming from med/surg floors that is just astounding to me, they carry a load of 5, 6, or even 7 patients per nurse. The math has been a bit of an issue for me, but I refuse to let it hold me back and am determined to pass the exam this week(it has to be passed with 100% and you get 3 chances), the biggest problem is my learning style. Just hearing it explained isn't enough for me, I need the hands on....and I need to ask lots of questions. So now that I've worked that out, and I've been practicing and using my resources, I fully plan to pass it this week. In other news...well honestly, I have no clue what is going on with everyone else around here. Ok, not true. Ethan lost a few more teeth this past week and has quite the jack-o-lantern smile going on. He also had a friend break his beloved Beyblade :( I just got mid term grades for Emily and she is doing really well. Her lowest grade is a B in pre-algebra. I got a mid term for Rylee as well that has all excellent grades as well. Nataly is getting used to having homework every single night since her teacher last year did not believe in homework, or as he called them "shut up sheets" Everyone is getting better with their reading and spelling. Emily is looking forward to trying out for advanced band-she plays the clarinet. Girl Scouts should be starting up soon for Nataly as well. ♫♪Carry on, Carry on, Carry on!♫♪ Its my motto right now.

dumb?

It sure is hard when something that has been so easy previously becomes a challenge that you have to work hard to excell at. I'm not a smarty pants by any means, but trying to learn the math formulas and what not for this semester of nursing has NOT been easy. In fact, it drove me to tears tonight because I just couldn't get my head wrapped around it. First day of class and I have already reached out to the instructional specialist for an appointment for help. I should feel proactive and being the overachiever that I am...I feel dumb. Which is dumb.I mean really, I should cut myself a break. I barely started to learn this stuff today, so it might take me a bit to really get it down and get the hang of it. Which sounds good in theory, but hey this is nursing school, and I have a math exam NEXT WEEK that I HAVE to pass with 100%...have I ever mentioned that nursing school isn't for sissies? If I don't pass it after 3 tries I'm out of the program, so yes, I stress. So off to bed I go, and hopefully I wake up feeling, well, NOT dumb.

A mish mash

Blargh. Its been about a month since I had the cortisone shots in my feet. The first week after having the padding and wraps off of my feet and legs were pure bliss! No more feet pain! No swelling! I could shower again!! But now...wellllll, they are starting to hurt again. No, I have not been jumping rope(as my dr. asked me) Nor have I been doing anything strenuous to my feet, except when I went grocery shopping which took about an hour, but I sat down for a bit and gave them a break! Mostly I'm just walking around the house doing daily things, and yet they are starting to be sore when I get up in the morning again :( It makes me so sad. I just don't think I can handle another week of wrapped feet that have to be elevated. And while I have become much more comfortable with needles, let me tell ya, getting them into your sensitive feet is NOT FUN. Of course, if its what my dr reccommends then I will do it because I know that its the only way my feet are going to get any better. I'm going up on Monday. In other news...gah I don't even want to go there. I haven't even started school yet. In fact with the kids in school and Cory on days, I should be able to get the rest of my homework done. Its sure not happening though. I have had so much running around here there and everywhere that I haven't been home for an entire day this week. On the bright side, because lets face it-all I've done is whine so far, The kids are doing really well thus far. They all enjoy their teachers, and they have been fantastic about getting ready without slacking in the morning. I met with each of Em's teachers at the Jr High last night and they had nothing but positive things to say! Her homeroom teacher even went as far as to tell me that he wished he had 4 or 5 of her in his class :D

Hello HOTness

OH. My. GOODNESS! It has been sooo hot here the past two days, hot and dry. Our poor little swap cooler has barely been able to keep up. Usually we operate with two, but one bit the dust...err that is, rust. Its completely rusted through. Thanks be to my sister in law who has a very large window cooler she is allowing us to commandeer so we can again have two! Cory finally broke down and hooked up the portable ac unit in our bedroom, since he has to sleep days he needs it to stay very cool in the bedroom. I took the kids to the pool yesterday and we spent three hours frolicking in the water. I am the ONLY one who ended up sunburned, which is a good thing. I know I promised the kids swimming lessons, but after seeing how well they are doing on their own, I am starting to second guess it. Today to beat the heat we staged a water war with squirt guns and water balloons, good times my friends! We obliviated each other, and will reward ourselfs with popsicles and some netflix for the evening. We are hoping to go spend some extended time with my parents, where its about 10 degrees cooler...hoping, hoping, hoping.

Flexibility

When you have family members who work on shift rotations you learn to be very flexible about the workings of your family life. Lucky for us, we have been doing it our whole marriage(almost 14 years!)so we understand how it works and are (usually) able to compensate for not having normal schedules. Today is the perfect example. We won't be able to sit down to dinner together since Cory checks on for duty at 4pm so we had a nice sit down lunch...err, that is we all sat down, but our lunch food was bacon, eggs and toast...I happen to have about 6 dz eggs in my fridge right now. My ladies have been laying fantastically and we just haven't been using very many eggs lately. And the sit down lunch was very welcome because I was playing slave driver with the children. My house isn't perfectly clean but it looks soooo much better, and hopefully by the end of the next month the kids will have a better handle on exactly what is expected when they clean their assigned area each day. Cory spent his morning hooking up the ac unit in our room. Since he is working nights and sleeping days he needs it to be cool in the bedroom, which isn't possible unless the door is open, and then its too light and a bit noisy. We are expected to hit 100+ later this week so the bedroom ac will be welcome! Heck, I may just camp out in there with him :)